By the way, if you ever have trouble getting the Joke of the Week, you can always catch me online at http://thospinneyjow.blogspot.com/
Travel has been on my mind lately, so when Linda suggested I try a travel-based JOW I leapt at the chance. Here are some observations about travel by land, air, and sea.
"Thanks to the interstate highway system, it is now possible to travel across the country, from coast to coast, without seeing anything." -Charles Kuralt
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Heard on a public transportation vehicle in Orlando─ “When you exit the bus, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step.” “If you miss your step and hit your head, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you.”
=============================
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant: “What was the problem?”
“The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,” explained the flight attendant,” and it took us a while to find a new pilot.”
==========================
Her father was very angry when he heard that his twenty year old daughter had hitchhiked all alone, all the way from San Francisco to LA.
“For God’s sake!” he screamed, “Someone could have attacked you and raped you!”
“I wasn’t ever in no danger at all”, she said, trying to calm him down. “As soon as someone gave me a ride, I said I was going to LA because that’s where they have the best treatment for sexually transmitted diseases.”
==============================
An elderly doctor and a Presbyterian minister were seated next to each other on the plane. The plane was delayed at the start due to some technical problems.
Just after taking off, the pilot offered his apologies to the passengers and announced that a round of free drinks would be served.
When the charming air-hostess came round with the trolley, the doctor ordered a gin and tonic for himself.
The hostess then asked the minister whether he wanted anything. He replied, "Oh no thank you. I would rather commit adultery than drink alcohol".
The elderly doctor promptly handed back his gin and tonic to the air-hostess and said, "Madam, I did not know there was a choice."
==============================
Some day I intend to go on a cruise. Okay, I have cruised many, many thousand miles at sea; I mean a cruise on a ship that doesn’t have a big gun on the bow. Not that I need the calories; the daily value of consumed food on a typical cruise liner exceeds the gross national product of Peru. You arrive looking like Oscar de la Hoya and leave looking like Oscar Mayer. At any rate, here are some cruise ship jokes.
Silly Questions asked on a Cruise Ship
Do these steps go up or down?
What do you do with the beautiful ice carvings after they melt?
Which elevator do I take to get to the front of the ship?
Does the crew sleep on the ship?
Is this island completely surrounded by water?
Does the ship make its own electricity?
What elevation are we at?
There's a photographer on board who takes photos and displays them the next day... the question asked...If the pictures aren't marked, how will I know which ones are mine?
Signs you are on a Senior Cruise
- You’re surrounded by more wrinkled faces than a Shar-Pei convention
- Passenger abuse of hairspray has led to a new hole in the ozone layer, located directly above the cruise ship
- Shuffleboard is considered an athletic event
- The olives in your martini have been replaced with Geritol capsules. And your martini has been replaced with prune juice.
- The nightly entertainment begins with the Early Bird Special at 4:00 PM.
Signs you have chosen the wrong cruise line
- Your cruise director used to be a guard at Leavenworth Prison.
- Your chief purser is an old mafia leg-breaker who settles accounts by any means necessary.
- On that note, your cabin stewards are running a protection racket.
- Your cruise line's executive chef is your old lunch lady from junior high.
- "Fielding's Worldwide Cruises" gave the ship you're on a "Four Iceberg" rating.
- You take a tour of the bridge only to find the captain setting course to play "chicken" with another cruise liner.
- Your ship was featured in a recent production known as "The Lust Boat".
- The DJ in the disco only plays "The Macarena.”
- Instead of chocolate on your pillow, you get a piece of Clove chewing gum.
- When the deckhands run out of paint thinner, they use the ship’s coffee
- The towel animals have fur on them.
Travel has been on my mind lately, so when Linda suggested I try a travel-based JOW I leapt at the chance. Here are some observations about travel by land, air, and sea.
"Thanks to the interstate highway system, it is now possible to travel across the country, from coast to coast, without seeing anything." -Charles Kuralt
==================================
Heard on a public transportation vehicle in Orlando─ “When you exit the bus, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step.” “If you miss your step and hit your head, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you.”
=============================
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant: “What was the problem?”
“The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,” explained the flight attendant,” and it took us a while to find a new pilot.”
==========================
Her father was very angry when he heard that his twenty year old daughter had hitchhiked all alone, all the way from San Francisco to LA.
“For God’s sake!” he screamed, “Someone could have attacked you and raped you!”
“I wasn’t ever in no danger at all”, she said, trying to calm him down. “As soon as someone gave me a ride, I said I was going to LA because that’s where they have the best treatment for sexually transmitted diseases.”
==============================
An elderly doctor and a Presbyterian minister were seated next to each other on the plane. The plane was delayed at the start due to some technical problems.
Just after taking off, the pilot offered his apologies to the passengers and announced that a round of free drinks would be served.
When the charming air-hostess came round with the trolley, the doctor ordered a gin and tonic for himself.
The hostess then asked the minister whether he wanted anything. He replied, "Oh no thank you. I would rather commit adultery than drink alcohol".
The elderly doctor promptly handed back his gin and tonic to the air-hostess and said, "Madam, I did not know there was a choice."
==============================
Some day I intend to go on a cruise. Okay, I have cruised many, many thousand miles at sea; I mean a cruise on a ship that doesn’t have a big gun on the bow. Not that I need the calories; the daily value of consumed food on a typical cruise liner exceeds the gross national product of Peru. You arrive looking like Oscar de la Hoya and leave looking like Oscar Mayer. At any rate, here are some cruise ship jokes.
Silly Questions asked on a Cruise Ship
Do these steps go up or down?
What do you do with the beautiful ice carvings after they melt?
Which elevator do I take to get to the front of the ship?
Does the crew sleep on the ship?
Is this island completely surrounded by water?
Does the ship make its own electricity?
What elevation are we at?
There's a photographer on board who takes photos and displays them the next day... the question asked...If the pictures aren't marked, how will I know which ones are mine?
Signs you are on a Senior Cruise
- You’re surrounded by more wrinkled faces than a Shar-Pei convention
- Passenger abuse of hairspray has led to a new hole in the ozone layer, located directly above the cruise ship
- Shuffleboard is considered an athletic event
- The olives in your martini have been replaced with Geritol capsules. And your martini has been replaced with prune juice.
- The nightly entertainment begins with the Early Bird Special at 4:00 PM.
Signs you have chosen the wrong cruise line
- Your cruise director used to be a guard at Leavenworth Prison.
- Your chief purser is an old mafia leg-breaker who settles accounts by any means necessary.
- On that note, your cabin stewards are running a protection racket.
- Your cruise line's executive chef is your old lunch lady from junior high.
- "Fielding's Worldwide Cruises" gave the ship you're on a "Four Iceberg" rating.
- You take a tour of the bridge only to find the captain setting course to play "chicken" with another cruise liner.
- Your ship was featured in a recent production known as "The Lust Boat".
- The DJ in the disco only plays "The Macarena.”
- Instead of chocolate on your pillow, you get a piece of Clove chewing gum.
- When the deckhands run out of paint thinner, they use the ship’s coffee
- The towel animals have fur on them.
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