Differences JOW

One recurring theme that I keep coming back to in my JOW is the eternal battle of the sexes. Men and women view the world very differently. When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk. Either men are more confident then women or more delusional. Most people think that 1) men are simple & women are complicated or perhaps 2) women think too much & men don’t think at all (the insensitive pigs!) Sigmund Freud claimed he was able to figure out the entire human psyche by talking with 54 neurotic Viennese housewives. That is confidence; however, even he admitted he “did not know what women want.” Women shake their heads at this; it’s easy. Except that what they want is different for every women and changes all the time. Thus men remain confused. Women tell me the reason for this confusion is very simple: men are stupid insensitive pigs.
At any rate, I have here some observations and questions about the differences between men and women. Please, if any of you understand this subject better than I do, please enlighten me.

Why is it that a man who regularly visits his mother is a mummy’s boy but a woman who does the same is a good daughter?
Or a man who has no difficulty in undressing an adult woman will nevertheless prove incapable of fitting a small child into a baby gown.
And why does the exact same haircut cost $30 more for a woman than it will for a man.

Of course, male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight, get hot flashes, and become crazy(ier). Male menopause - you get motorcycles.
The list of differences goes on and on and covers a whole gamut of topics.
• Sex: Women prefer 30 - 45 minutes of foreplay. Men consider driving to her place as foreplay.
• Hats: Women look good in hats; men look like dinks.
• Comedy: Let's say a small group of men and women are in a room, watching television, and an episode of "The Three Stooges" comes on. Immediately, the men will get very excited; they will laugh uproariously, and even try to imitate the actions of Curly, man's favorite stooge. The women will roll their eyes and wait it out, deeply embarrassed for the men.
• Magazines: Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked ladies. Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked ladies. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is hairy and lumpy and should not be seen in the light of day.
• Leg warmers: Leg warmers on women are sexy. A woman, even if she's walking the dog or doing the dishes, is allowed to wear leg warmers. She can wear them any time she wants. A man can only wear leg warmers if he is auditioning for the "Gimme the Ball" number in "A Chorus Line".
• Cats: Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men secretly kick cats.
• Jewelry: Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring, and that's about it. Any more than that and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.
• The Telephone: Men see the telephone as a communications tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

There are other differences between men and women. For example:

Men
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.
Women
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.

When a man talks dirty to a woman it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man it's $3.99 a minute.

Finally, a joke, submitted by Bil,
HER DIARY
Tonight I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to
have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we
could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong; he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.
On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say I love you too. My heart just sank.
When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V. He seemed distant and absent.
Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed, and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

HIS DIARY
I shot the worst round of golf in my life today, but at least I got laid.