Happy JOW to You

This week has ‘birthdays’ as a theme. One nice thing about getting older is that you seem to be less poor. When I was younger I was so poor the only thing I got on my birthday was a year older. Now that I am older it seems like I have everything I want, except of course, to be young again. But birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most birthdays generally live the longest.

Here are some observations and a couple jokes.

As you get older things change. You know you are getting older when:
• Your back goes out more than you do.
• Your best friend is dating someone half his age…and he isn’t breaking any laws.
• When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
• It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
• Getting “lucky” means you found your car in the parking lot.
• Your address book has mostly names that start with “Dr.”
• You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.
• Everything either hurts or doesn't work.
• It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.
• People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
• The gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
• The pharmacist has become you new best friend.
• There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
• Things you buy now won't wear out.
• When happy hour is a nap.
• When you are cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of the police.
• When you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.
• Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."

Factoid: If there are 23 people in a room, there's a 50% chance that two of them will share a birthday (statistically speaking).
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"What would you most like for your birthday?" a husband inquired of his wife.
She said, "I'd love to be ten again."
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning. Then they were off to a movie theater where they ate popcorn and sweets and drank Cola. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed.
Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?"
One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, honey, I meant dress size!"

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A blonde airhead goes for a job interview in an office.
The interviewer starts with the basics.
"So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?"
The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying "Ehhhh... 22!"
The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice.
"And can you tell us your height, please?"
The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces "Five foot two!"
This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the interviewee won't have to count, measure, or look up.
"Just to confirm for our records, your name please?"
The airhead bobs her head from side to side for about ten seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying "MANDY!"
The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks -
"What in the world were you doing when I asked you your name?"
"Ohhhh, that!" replies the blonde...
" I was just running through that song -
'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear...'