Tardy JOW

One problem with working at home is that you sometimes lose track of the days. I just looked up and, holy cow, (not the Chick Filet ones) it is Friday and I haven’t entertained my faithful JOW crowd. So here are a few jokes for you to enjoy over the weekend.


The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."
"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."
"OK," said the man. "Now give me a medical term for that so I can tell my wife."

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A young Technician and his General Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Denver. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.
After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young tech are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks.
Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed a moment later by the sound of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word.
The grandmother is thinking to herself, "It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him."
The General manager is thinking, "I didn't know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped and hit me!"
The young woman was sitting and thinking, "I'm glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!"
The young tech sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, "Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap my boss all at the same time!"

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A backwoods family made their first visit to a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this, Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching an older lady walked up to the silver walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the old lady stepped into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then as these numbers began to light in reverse order.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful young woman stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Go get your Mother."

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A middle aged woman has a heart attack. While on the operating table she has a near death experience. She sees God, and asks if this is it.
God says no, that she has another 30-40 years to live. She recovers, and decides to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, tummy tuck, hair dyed, etc. She figures since she's got another 30 or 40 years she might as well make the most of it.
She walks out of the hospital after the last operation looking absolutely fabulous and immediately gets hit by an ambulance.
She arrives in front of God and asks, "I thought you said I had another 30 or 40 years?"
To which God replies, "To tell you the truth, I didn't recognize you."

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A woman gets on a bus holding a baby.
The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."
In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized and said: "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."
"You're right" she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"That's a good idea" the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."