Memorial JOW

Every year, without really knowing why, we observe Memorial Day on the last Monday in May. Here is a little history - originally called "Decoration Day", it is a day designated to commemorate those who have died in combat while serving in the US Armed Forces. Memorial Day is often confused with Veteran’s Day, which is celebrated to honor all living soldiers and sailors who have served in an American war.
Historians have traced the origins of Memorial Day back to the American Civil War. Following the end of the terrible conflict people across the country decorated the graves of all the Civil War fallen with flowers and flags, and held special services for the deceased with songs and speeches. In 1971 President Richard Nixon established Memorial Day as a federal holiday. It is now most famous for marking the beginning of the summer season, just as Veteran’s day marks the end.

To mark this recently passed holiday I have jokes for each of our services.



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Coast Guard



A friend, driving home from a fishing trip in northern Michigan with his boat in tow, had engine trouble a few miles inland from Lake Huron. He didn't have a CB radio in his car, so he decided to use his marine radio to get help. Climbing into his boat, he broadcast his call letters and asked for assistance.

A Coast Guard officer responded, "Please give your location."

"I'm on Interstate-75, two miles south of Standish."

The officer paused, "Could you repeat that?"

"I’m on I-75, two miles south of Standish."

A longer pause. Then an incredulous voice asked, "How fast were you going when you hit shore?"



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Two Air Force jokes



Air Force Approach: Eagle 13, turn right to 330.

Eagle 13: Roger 330.

Approach: Eagle 13, I've been working since last night, Will you do me a favor?

Eagle 13: Affirmative. Go ahead.

Approach: Down below on your right, you'll see a base house with yellow roof near the lake. That is my house. I had a fight with the wife, and I'm worried she might take it out on my Harley. Do you see a Harley Davidson near the house?

Eagle 13: Negative sir. All I can see is a moving van.



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An actual memo from the Alaska Air Command, February 1973

"Due to an administrative error, the original of the attached letter was forwarded to you. A new original has been accomplished and forwarded to AAC/JA (Alaskan Air Command, Judge Advocate office). Please place this carbon copy in your files and destroy the original."

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Army



The soldier serving overseas, far from home was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.

He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying........... "Regret cannot remember which one is you -- please keep your photo and return the others."

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After enlisting in the 82nd Airborne Division, I eagerly asked my Recruiter what I could expect from jump school.
"Well," he said, "it's three weeks long."
"What else," I asked.
"The first week they separate the men from the boys," he said. "The second week, they separate the men from the fools."
"And the third week?" I asked.
"The third week, the fools jump out of an airplane."



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The First Sergeant noticed a new private one day and \barked at him to come into his office. "What is your name?" was the first thing the First Sergeant asked the new guy.

"John," the new guy replied.

The First Sergeant scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart, liberal pansy stuff they're teaching troops in Basic today, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my privates by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as 'First Sergeant.' Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, First Sergeant!"

"Good! Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling, First Sergeant!"

"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."



‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’

One afternoon, a woman and her little daughter went into a large toy store. The mother asked her daughter what toys she wanted.

The little girl said, "I want GI Joe and Barbie."

The mother smiled and said, "Darling, you know Barbie doesn't come with GI Joe."

The little girl looked up at her mom and replied, "Mom, Barbie ALWAYS comes with GI Joe. She just FAKES it with Ken."



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And a couple for the Navy/Marine team



The story of how the Marines became a branch under the Department of the Navy – It helps to know that the official mascot of Army is a mule.



It seems that after WW I, the war to end all wars, the US Govt. had a lot of surplus material that they had no use for. What to do with it was a problem, and it was finally decided to hold an auction and sell everything off.

The day of the auction came, and progressed smoothly throughout the day. At the end of the day, everything had been sold off except the Marines and a tired old jackass.

Not wanting anything left over, the govt. decided to flip a coin between the Army and Navy, the winner getting their choice of the two left over items.

The Army won the toss, and the rest is history.



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Two widows, are talking at the Bowling Alley.

Martha says, "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date.

I know you went out with him last week and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."

Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M. Dressed up like such a gentleman in a fine suit. And he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs and what's there but a beautiful car. . . a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all.

Then he takes me out for dinner. . .marvelous dinner - lobster. Then we go see a show. Let me tell you, Martha, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure!

So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL!!! Completely crazy. He tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times! And he's a retired Marine!"

Martha: "Goodness gracious! . . so you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?

Edna smiled: "No . . . I'm just saying, wear an older dress."



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Once upon a time there was an admiral who commanded a carrier task force, and had his flag on the carrier.

For exercise, the admiral walked a lap around the flight deck every day. It became custom for the sailors to approach the Admiral during his walks, and gripe, complain, etc., and the Admiral would take care of the problems brought forth by the crew. It was a great morale booster.

Well, the day came when the Admiral was reassigned to Washington, and a helicopter carried him off. The crew was so despondent at his departure that the helmsman wasn't paying attention to his job, and the carrier ran aground on a sandbar.

Yes, they grounded the warship he walked on.



Tom