Politician's JOW

Almost all of Texas is enduring an exceptional drought. We had hope for some rain from Tropical Storm Don but he turned into a political-type storm: no nurturing rain just hot air. I was disappointed; not for myself, I have seen rain before, but for all the children here who haven’t.
My JOW has a political bent this week to mark the bumbling Congressional incompetents and their handling of the debt ceiling debacle. The biggest problem with political jokes is that so many of them get elected.
I hope you enjoy these politician-themed jokes and observations.
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A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road, when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians.
A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the farmer where all the politicians had gone. The old farmer said he had buried them.
The sheriff then asked the old farmer, "Were they ALL dead?"
The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."

Late one night in the capitol city a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the
path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.
"Give me your money!" he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this - I'm a U.S. Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the robber, "give me MY money!"
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What is the difference between Capitalism and Socialism?
Capitalism is the exploitation of man by man. Socialism is the exact opposite.
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The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.

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Here are a few memorable political quotes:
• 'You can fool all of the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough.' Joseph Levine
• 'Politics makes strange bedfellows rich'. Wayne Haisley
• 'In archaeology you uncover the unknown. In diplomacy you cover the known.'
Thomas Pickering
• On my arrival in the United States I was struck by the degree of ability among the governed and the lack of it among the governing.' Alexis de Toqueville
• When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. PJ O'Rourke

Some actual Tea Party signs

“Keep Government out of my Medicare.”
“Don’t Steal from Medicare to support Socialized Medicine”
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Poor Christine O’Donnell is a nice enough person but as a candidate she made fabulous fodder for the pundits.

• "Christine O'Donnell released a commercial in which she says, 'I'm not a witch.' That's pretty good, though not as effective as her opponent's slogan, 'I'm not Christine O'Donnell.'" —Jimmy Fallon

• "Today we found out that a third college Christine O'Donnell said she attended has no record of ever knowing her. I'm starting to wonder if she ever really went to Hogwarts." —Bill Maher

• "Delaware Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell said recently that Hollywood needs to re-evaluate what they're doing because movies these days are all filled with gay sex and extramarital affairs. And I thought, 'Have fun in Congress then.'" –Craig Ferguson

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Jay Leno has been having a field day with the incompetent fools we have in Congress.

"Someone said President Obama was wrong for telling the American people to call their representatives about the debt ceiling. If there's one thing that congressmen hate, it's being told what to do by the people that put them there."
"Only 17% of Americans believe the country is headed in the right direction. Which makes me think it might be time for a woman President. At least a woman would stop and ask for directions."
"At a White House GOP meeting the other night, House Majority Whip Kevin McCarthy tried to inspire everyone by showing a clip from the movie, 'The Town'. Isn’t the best movie for Congress, 'Dumb and Dumber'?"
"A record 46 percent of Americans think Congress is 'corrupt.' The other 64 percent think Congress is 'extremely corrupt.'

There are only three ways Obama can win over the Republicans
1. Do something about the heat.
2. Put Chuck Norris on the nickel
3. Kill bin Laden again

Some of you may know that I am a real history buff. Here are some strange coincidences about Lincoln and Kennedy
Both the names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both their wives lost a child while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.
Both were assassinated by Southerners and were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Both assassins were known by their three names composed of fifteen letters.
Booth and Oswald were shot before their trials.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Kennedy.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called 'Lincoln.'

Booth ran from the theater and was caught in a warehouse.
Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater.

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was in Marilyn Monroe.


Tom