Indebted JOW

It is tempting to write about how hot and dry it is here. May was hotter than usual, June the hottest ever recorded month of June, ditto July, and now we are about to set an all time record for most consecutive days over 100. They announced today that our average temperature for 2011is the warmest ever - all this during a drought where we have received less than a third or our normal rainfall. Everywhere you look you see dead and dying trees; big ones - both evergreen and deciduous. And we know there is another two months remaining before we can look for a cold front to give us some relief.
That said, I decided to write about money, well, specifically the lack of money. Money is not everything; just as long as you have VISA & MasterCard. Or if you are Congress, with the ability to borrow and print money whenever it will help you get elected. My JOW focus then is on the filthy euchre, and the lack of it.

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Ernie took a lot of ribbing from his old buddies when he took a lively and flirtatious young woman as his wife. She was sitting in front of the makeup table wearing nothing but a robe preparing for a night out on the town with her husband when there was a knock at the door downstairs.
“Alice,” called out Ernie from the shower, “would you go see who that is?”
With a pout Alice wrapped her robe around herself and went to the door. Opening it she found Andy, one of Ernie’s old pals at the door.
Andy gaped most gratifyingly at her casual appearance. “Ummm….“ he mumbled before he was able to collect himself and ask, “Alice, what are you wearing under that robe?”
“Why nothing, Andy,” she replied mischievously.
“I will give you $400 if you open your robe and let me see,” offered Andy bringing out a wad of cash from his pocket and holding it out.
Alice pondered the offer, then, with a big grin, opened her robe, struck a brief pose and gave Andy a good look. Then, still smiling, she took the money out of Andy’s hand, closed her robe, and then closed the door on the grinning Andy.
As she came back into the bathroom thinking about how she would spend the unexpected windfall she had tucked in her robe pocket her husband asked her who was at the door.
“Oh, just Andy,” she casually replied.
“Oh, good,” replied Ernie, did he give you the $400 he owed me?”

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A vacuum sales man appeared at the door of an old lady's cottage and, without allowing the woman to speak, rushed into the living room and threw a large bag of dirt all over her clean carpet. He said, "If this new vacuum doesn't pick up every bit of this dirt then I'll eat it"
The woman replied, "Sir, if I had enough money to buy that thing, I would have paid my electricity bill before they cut it off. Now, what would you like a spoon or fork to take care of that dirt?"

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Will Rogers, having paid too much income tax one year, tried in vain to claim a rebate. His numerous letters and queries remained unanswered. Eventually the form for the next year's return arrived. In the section marked "DEDUCTIONS," Rogers listed: "Bad debt, US Government -- $40,000.”

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A couple of friends meet after a long time:
"I divorced my wife." One says.
"Really? How did you do it?"
"We hired a lawyer who helped divide the assets and stuff."
"What about the kids?"
"Well,...we've decided that whoever got more money would also take the kids."
"That sounds fair. And who got them?
"The lawyer."
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While attending a convention, three psychiatrists take a walk. "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears," one says, "but we have no one to go to with our own problems."
"Since we're all professionals," another suggests, "why don't we hear each other out right now?”
They agreed this was a good idea.
The first psychiatrist confesses, "I'm a compulsive gambler and I am deeply in debt, so I overbill my patients as often as I can.
“The second admits, "I have a drug problem that's out of control, and I frequently pressure my patients into buying illegal drugs for me.”
The third psychiatrist says, "I know it's wrong, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't keep a secret.”


Tom