Medical JOW

Last week I did a JOW on dying. What could be more natural to follow that then some jokes with a medical theme.
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Lying on his deathbed, a loving husband was wavering between life and death when he thought he smelled chocolate chip cookies baking. They were his very favorite, so he dragged himself out of bed, crawled to the kitchen and was just reaching up to take a cookie off the plate when his wife slapped his hand with a spatula.
"Don't touch!" she commanded. "They're for the funeral."
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Yet another husband was lying on his deathbed his life slipping way. He reached out to his wife who took his hand.
“I’m dying,” he told her.
“There, there,” she said quietly patting his hand.
“No, really, I am dying. I have a confession to make.”
“Oh hush, dear, you don’t have say a word.”
“Darling, I had an affair with your best friend.”
“Hush, sweetheart, just let the poison do its work.”

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When Ruth went back to the medical lab to have some blood drawn, she was greeted with a battery of questions from the technician.
“Has your address changed?” she asked.
“No,” Ruth answered.
“Your phone number?”
“No.”
“What about your birthday?”

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“Do you think I’ll live another 50 years, Doc?” asked a patient.
“How old are you now?”
“Forty.”
“Do you drink, gamble or chase women?”
“No,” the man answered. “I don’t drink, I never gamble, and I don’t socialize much. In fact, I don’t have any vices at all.”
“Why then,” the doctor retorted, “do you want to live another 50 years?”

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They've just found a gene for shyness. They would have found it earlier, but it was hiding behind a couple of other genes.

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A man went to the cardiologist after experiencing symptoms of a heart attack. "I had taken our cat to the vet," he told the nurse, "and while I was there, my chest got tight, and I had trouble breathing. Later, my left arm began aching."
The nurse was clearly concerned. "So," she asked, "how was your cat?"

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Doing rounds, a new nurse couldn’t help overhearing the surgeon yelling, "Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!"
"Why does he keep doing that?" she asked a colleague.
"Oh, he likes to call the shots around here."

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Okay, let me wrap it up with one about a sick lawyer.

“What’s wrong, Tom?” his fellow lawyer asked solicitously.
“Oh-h-h,” he groaned, “I was out late last night entertaining a guy who can throw a lot of business our way. I’ve got the absolutely worst of all hangovers.”
“I know how you feel. I’ve had some monsters myself.”
“How did you get rid of yours?”
The first lawyer grinned. “I grab my wife and make passionate love to her. In no time, my headache is gone. You ought to try it.”
“I’ll try anything,” Tom said, reaching for his coat. “See you later.”
When he returned he was whistling a jaunty tune. “I see my remedy worked,” his colleague said.
“Like a charm,” replied the rejuvenated lawyer. “And, heh, that’s a really nice house you have.”

Tom