A hunting we shall JOW

I could not decide between golf and hunting as a theme for my JOW this week. There is a professional golf tournament in our neighborhood next week and several members of my family are avid golfers. On the other hand I suck at golf. So even though hunting season is more than half a year away, here are some hunting related vignettes intended to amuse.
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A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my leather jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?"
I said, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too."

This joke was told to me when I was about six years old.

One morning, a father and his young son were in the woods hunting rabbits. After about an hour, they finally came across some rabbit tracks. In between the tracks, there were these little round brown pellets.
The son said to his father, "Dad, what are those?"
The father replied, "Those are smart pills. Try a couple."
The boy grabbed a couple of them and put them in his mouth. The boy made a funny face and said to his father, "Hey, these are just rabbit poop!"
The father replied, "See, you're getting smarter already."

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A group of deer hunters are in camp when they realize that they are running low on provisions.
The group appointed Kevin to get supplies.
Kevin went into the store and bought 3 bottles of whiskey, 4 cases of beer and 2 packages of hotdogs.
When he returned to the camp the group looked in his truck and they asked, "Kevin, what in the world are we gonna do with all them damn hotdogs?"

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A couple of Aggie hunters were driving through the country to go bear hunting. They came upon a fork in the road where a sign read "BEAR LEFT" so they went home.
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An Aggie goes hunting and gets lost in the woods. Remembering the universal distress signal of firing 3 shots, he fires 3 shots into the air and waits. After an hour he fires 3 more shots. Another hour goes by and still no one comes to help.
Preparing for the next sequence he says to himself, “I hope somebody comes this time because these are my last three arrows.

Short shots

• Sign seen on a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."
• Anyone who is mistaken for a moose and shot is probably better off anyway.
• Did you hear about the guy who went elephant hunting and ended up in the hospital? He got a hernia carrying the decoys.
• Definition of Vegetarian: Old Indian word for bad hunter.
• What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter? "Quack! Quack! Quack!"

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A group of friends went deer hunting and split up into pairs for the day. That night, one of the hunters, Charlie, returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.
The others asked "Where's Craig?"
"Craig had a stroke or something and died. I left him a couple of miles back up the trail."
"You left Craig lying out there and carried the deer back?!!"
"It was a tough call," nodded Charlie, "but I figured no one is going to steal Craig.

Finally, an outdoor-themed joke that I have always liked

Two young men were out in the woods on a camping trip, when they came upon this great trout brook. They stayed there all day, enjoying the fishing, which was super.
At the end of the day, knowing that they would be graduating from college soon, they vowed that they would meet, in twenty years, at the same place and renew the experience.
Twenty years later, they met and traveled to a spot near where they had been years before. They walked into the woods and before long came upon a brook. One of the men said to the other, "This is the place!"
The other replied, "No, it's not!"
The first man said, "Yes, I do recognize the clover growing on the bank on the other side.
To which the other man replied, "Silly, you can't tell a brook by its clover."


Tom