Political JOW

My old sailing buddy Tor sent me some pity political quotes; that got me thinking about the whole concept of our failed politicians. I understand that you can be fined for Contempt of Congress: if they enforced that for everyone who holds congress in contempt they could balance the budget overnight with the revenue.
The only thing the current crop of politicians seem capable of doing is getting reelected – well that and being a rich source of humor. In the end, though the joke is on us; after all, we voted for them!

Let me start with a politician that I sort of admire for his quick wit:

A lady who was known as one of Churchill's rivals in parliament was giving a speech. Once Churchill dozed off while the lady was speaking. She stopped her speech and awoke Sir Winston by yelling, "Mr. Churchill, must you sleep while I talk?"
Churchill sleepily replied, "No, ma'am. I do so purely by choice."
######

Late in life, a very old Churchill came tottering into the House of Commons.
“They say he has gone dotty,” one of the members commented to a companion.
Churchill rounded upon the man and looking right at him said, “And they say he has gone deaf, too.”

Some famous political quotes:

• The problem with political jokes is they get elected.
• 'I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts'. Will Rogers
• If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these acceptance speeches there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven. — also Will Rogers
• Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber. — Plato (rough translation)
• We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. — Aesop
• Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. — Nikita Khrushchev
• When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I'm beginning to believe it.
• Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.
• Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.
• I offer my opponents a bargain: If they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them. — Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952
• A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.
• Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so. — Gore Vidal
• Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. — Ronald Reagan
• Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. — Doug Larson
• Don't vote, it only encourages them
• A politician is a man who stands for what he thinks the voters will fall for.
• Leftists are among the first to speak of their rights.
Even the old Communists had political jokes; this one is from the old USSR
What is the difference between Capitalism and Socialism?
Capitalism is the exploitation of man by man and Socialism is the exact opposite.

Ruth is still working with service dogs, so here is one about canines.

It was the end of the day when I parked my police K9 van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my canine partner, Jake, was barking; I saw a little boy staring in at me.
“Is that a dog you got back there?” he asked.
“It sure is,” I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me & then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, “What’d he do?”

All these jokes about lying scoundrels (aka politicians) reminded me of this one

A well-known personal injury lawyer who once ran for president while cheating on his dying wife finally died & came before St. Peter for judgement.
“What exactly have you done to earn eternal happiness?” asked St. Peter.
The lawyer told them that he had once given a bum on the street a quarter.
St. Peter, nodding grimly, looked over to his assistant, Gabriel, & asked “Is that in the records?” Gabriel nodded, but St. Peter told the lawyer it wasn’t enough.
“Wait, wait, there’s more,” said the lawyer. He told of tripping over a homeless boy the week before & giving the lad a quarter.
Gabriel checked the records & confirmed the story.
St. Peter contemplated & then asked Gabriel, “What should we do?”
Gabriel glanced at the lawyer disgustedly. “I say we give him back his half a buck & tell him to go to Hell.”


Tom