Engineering JOW #638

                Ah, engineers, solving problems you didn’t know you had in ways you don’t understand.  They are the subject for my JOW this week for no particular reason other than I found a joke I had not heard before concerning engineers.  Besides, it’s their turn.   

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There was a young electrical engineer who, having achieved some success decided that he and his family should have a weekend getaway place.  He searched the surrounding country and found a lovely spot with frontage on a river.  They build a cabin and began spending time there every chance they got.  The kids loved it and friends came for the quiet and fishing.  The engineer, however, wanted something unique for his cabin.  He had been award-winning pole vaulter in college.  He therefore built a set of poles with a crosspiece right in the river and a nice run right up to the bar.  He would take his vaulting pole, set off down the run, plant his pole, soar over the crosspiece and land in the river with a satisfying splash.  He tried teaching others to vault but without success.

Things went on this way for some years until one spring he came out and found the river was up and flowing at a good clip with twice the usual flow.  The engineer was determined to enjoy a few vaults into the river, the first of the year.  His wife did not think it was safe but he was a good swimmer and dismissed her fears.  His run and vault were flawless; he hit the water in good form, but was quickly swept downstream by the fast moving water.  His body was found later that day, tangled in debris.  It was a sad end for the engineer but entirely preventable. 

He should have know that “it’s not the vaultage that kills you but he current.”

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Around the turn of the 20^th century a famous electrical engineer gave up his trade of installing electricity into ships and decided to travel around the world and learn new cultures.  On his way back through the US he stumbled upon a very poor, isolated village out on the Navaho reservation.  Wanting to help he asked the local chief if it would be possible for him to put his experience in electrifying ships into some way of helping the people.

After a few moments of thought the chief commented that their outhouse was very cold and dark in the winter.  Perhaps the engineer could arrange for electricity to be installed there so they could have some light.

Of course the engineer was delighted to help putting his nautical electrical experience to use and becoming the first tourist to wire a head for a reservation.

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How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None.  That’s a hardware issue.

……………

·         What's the difference between a chemical engineer and a chemist? Answer: about $50k a year

·         What's the difference between a chemical engineer and a chemist? Answer. A chemical engineer does for profit what a chemist does for fun.

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A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." And asks the keeper:
"What's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving school children from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Three engineers and three mathematicians are on a train going to a conference. The mathematicians each bought a ticket. The engineers have one between them. As the conductor starts through the train car, the engineers all rush off and jump into the small lavatory.
The conductor knocks on the door of the lavatory and says "Ticket, please." At which point the engineers slide the one ticket through a ventilation slot and the conductor punches it. The mathematicians think this looks like a good trick and decide to try it on the train ride back home.
As the mathematicians board the train they have one ticket between them. The engineers have no ticket!
After a while, one of the engineers says, "Here comes the conductor!" So all three mathematicians jump up and run into the lavatory with their one ticket.
One of the engineers goes to the lavatory door and says "Ticket, please."

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EXAMPLES OF BAD PRESS FOR ENGINEERS:
* The Hindenberg.
* Space Shuttle Challenger.
* SPANet(tm)
* Hubble space telescope.
* Apollo 13.
* Titanic.
* Ford Pinto.
* Corvair.

When considering the behavior of a howitzer: 

A mathematician will be able to calculate where the shell will land. 

A physicist will be able to explain how the shell gets there. 

An engineer will stand there and try to catch it.