Climatic JOW #646

It is hot here.  Well, okay, maybe not hot; Texas often gets temperatures into the 70’s even in late January, but lows in the 70’s?  Yikes!   

I thought I could try to do a climate change JOW, but there is an absolute dearth of jokes about the subject.  I got to wondering why.   Maybe climate change is too serious for humor but I then I know jokes about death, suicide, and a lot of other serious stuff. Or is climate change is simply too boring? But I have done JOWs about accountancy, economics, and physics. I suspect there are so few jokes about climate change because it all so preachy and earnest.   The shortest book in the world is probably “The Environmentalists' Book of Jokes.”

But I decided to try.  Here are a few jokes on a rather dry subject along with some more normal jokes.

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With temperature levels shooting up to unprecedented levels, it is high time we get together for a concerted action against the huge amounts of climate-change-inducing emissions from fires in hell. Yes, it can be done; experts claim that if the Houston Texans ever win the Super Bowl, hell will actually freeze over.

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Q: How many climate skeptics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. It's too early to say if the light bulb needs changing.

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Two planets meet. The first one asks: "How are you?"
"Not so well", the second answered "I've got the Homo Sapiens."
"Don't worry," the other replied, "I had some of those but they didn’t last."

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If you want help in picking up women, start talking about global warming - It's a real icebreaker.

Okay, how about some bus jokes?

Passenger: Where can I catch the bus that goes downtown?

Conductor: Just go down that way, turn to the left and you’ll be right.

Passenger: That doesn’t sound right.

Conductor: Okay, have it your way, turn to the right and you’ll be left.

Passenger: Bus Conductor! Where will I catch the next bus!?

Conductor: Right in the small of the back, sir, if you don’t move up onto the sidewalk!

Passenger: Bus Conductor! How long will the next bus be?

Conductor: Fifty-seven feet and six inches, sir!

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A skeleton walks into a bar and says, “Give me a beer and a mop.”

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So this moth goes into a podiatrist's office. The doctor asks the moth, "What seems to be the problem?"
The moth says, "Doc, I don't know where to start. I feel like my whole life has been a waste of time. I've been at the same job for twenty years and I don't just hate it, I'm revolted by it. I can barely summon the strength to drag myself in every day but I have no choice because I'm in debt up to my compound eyes. The idea of doing this job for years more just makes me sick. I've grown apart from my wife. She's no longer the woman I loved, and I can barely stand to be around her but I feel guilty for feeling that way about her. Doc, it just eats me up inside. My daughter's shacked up at eighteen with a guy I can't stand who's terrible for her and she dropped out of school, but she won't listen to reason and it breaks my heart. And my son... Doc, I just don't know if I love my own son, because he reminds me of everything I hate about myself. I look into his eyes and see the same disgusting, sniveling cowardice I know everyone sees in mine. I can't even work up the courage to pull out my gun and blow my own goddamned brains out. I feel like my entire life is nothing more than a fragile web of lies just barely holding me back from the screaming abyss."
The podiatrist says to the moth, "You do seem to have a lot of problems, but I'm just a podiatrist. You need to see a therapist, a psychiatrist even. Why did you come to me?"
And the moth says, "The light was on."

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Jesus and Saint Peter are golfing. St. Peter steps up to the tee on a par three and hits one long and straight right onto the green. Jesus is up next. He slices it. It heads over the fence into traffic on an adjacent street, bounces off a truck, onto the roof of a nearby shack and into the rain gutter, down the drain spout and onto a lily pad at the edge of a lake. A frog jumps up and snatches the ball in his mouth. An eagle swoops down, grabs the frog. As the eagle flies over the green, the frog croaks and drops the ball right into the hole.

Saint Peter looks at Jesus, exasperated. “Are you gonna play golf?” he asks “Or are you just gonna screw around?”