Marital JOW #714

My son got married last week in New Orleans.  It was a wonderful wedding but I fear he will soon learn like all husbands that love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.  I have heard it said that a man is incomplete until he is married.  If true, then Richard is finished.    I have a few marriage bits and some things about New Orleans this week.  Enjoy.

A couple of quick observations about New Orleans:

·         “If there was no New Orleans, America would just be a bunch of free people dying of boredom." -Judy Deck

·         “The first thing you notice about New Orleans are the burying grounds - the cemeteries - and they're a cold proposition, one of the best things there are here. Going by, you try to be as quiet as possible, better to let them sleep. Greek, Roman, sepulchers- palatial mausoleums made to order, phantomesque, signs and symbols of hidden decay - ghosts of women and men who have sinned and who've died and are now living in tombs. The past doesn't pass away so quickly here. You could be dead for a long time”   - Bob Dylan
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Tulane is located in New Orleans.  It is a fine school but not noted for its attractive women.

Q. What's the difference between a Tulane University sorority sister and a scarecrow?

A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.

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A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

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A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."

The man leans out and with a glint in his eye said "I've got a better idea, let's pretend we're married."

"Why not," giggles the woman.

"Good," he replies. "Get your own blanket."

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A little boy says, ‘Dad, I’ve heard that in India a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her.’ ‘Son,’ says the dad. ‘That happens everywhere.’

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One night a man walks into a bar looking sad. The bartender asks the man what he wants. The man says “Oh just a beer”.

The bartender asked the man “What’s wrong, why are you so down today?”

The man said “My wife and I got into a fight, and she said she wouldn’t talk to me for a month”.

The bartender said “So what’s wrong with that”?

The man said “Well the month is up tonight”.

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A man walks into a barber shop and says, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine." The barber lathers his face and sharpens the straight edge while a woman with the biggest, most beautiful breasts he has ever seen kneels down and shines his shoes.

The man says, "You and I should spend some time in a hotel room."

She replies, "My husband wouldn't like that."

The man says, "Tell him you're working overtime, and I'll pay you the difference."

She says, "You tell him. He's the one shaving you."

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A couple had been married for 50 years and had raised a brood of 10 children. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, “Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids.”

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On their 50th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Rod was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. "Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?" Rod responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness -- and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single."

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The annoying husband was complaining to his wife: I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the hottest wives."

His wife said, 'Thank you.'     

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A man walked into a Louisiana bar with his alligator and asked the bartender: "Do you serve lawyers here?"

"Sure."

"Good. One beer for me and a lawyer for my alligator."

And finally:

There was a man who had three girlfriends, but he did not know which one to marry. So he decided to give each one $5000 and see how each of them spent it.

The first one went out and got a total makeover with the money. She got new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much." The man was impressed.

The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gave them to the man. She said, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much." Once again the man was impressed.

The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much." The man was impressed once more.

The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money. Finally, being the mere man he was, he decided to marry the one with the biggest boobs.