Washontonian JOW # 724

We took a little vacation last week to Washington DC to visit friends and family.  It was a lovely trip.  DC is a very interesting little town; we stayed at the Army/Navy Club a couple of blocks from the White House so we were near the center of things.  Of course there are a lot of politicians, lawyers and lobbyists there so you it is not quite perfect.  I did learn that President US Grant would go to the lobby of a hotel near the White House to have a drink and cigar.  Slimy characters who were trying to influence him would camp in the hotel lobby hoping for a chance to gain his ear – and that is the reason people like that are called ‘lobbyists’.   

Oh and today is National Mustard Day, so decreed by Congress.  And you think those guys don’t do anything.  If brain eating zombies invaded Washington DC they would die of starvation. 

Rules of Washington

·         If it's worth fighting for, it's worth fighting dirty for.

·         Don't lie, cheat or steal...unnecessarily.

·         An honest answer can get you into a lot of trouble.

·         The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

·         Chicken Little only has to be right once.

·         "NO" is only an interim response.

·         You can't kill a bad idea.

·         If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you ever tried.

·         The truth is a variable.

·         A porcupine with his quills down in just another fat rodent.

·         You can agree with any concept or notional future option, in principle, but fight implementation every step of the way.

·         A promise is not a guarantee.

·         If you can't counter the argument, leave the meeting.

People want to change the name of the Washington Redskins because they think it is racially insensitive.  When the Blackfoot Indian tribe said they were not offended they were informed they would have to change their name, too.

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A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this."
"What's the problem?" the doctor inquired.
"Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away."
"My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person, and an attractive person. But say it with real conviction. Within a week you'll have women buzzing all around you."
The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office a bit excited. Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden expression on his face.
"Did my advice not work?" asked the doctor.
"It worked alright. For the past several weeks I've been going out with several beautiful women."
"So, what's your problem?"
"I don't have a problem," the man replied. "My wife does."

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A psychotherapist was having a roaring business since he started from scratch. So much so that he could now afford to have a proper shop banner advertising his wares. So he told a kid to paint the sign board for him & put it above his shop entrance.
But, instead of his business building up, it began to slacken. He had especially noticed the ladies shying away from his shop after reading the sign board. So he decided to check it out himself. Then he understood why; the boy found a small wooden board so he had split the word into the 3 words:

Psycho-
the-
rapist.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

A normally sweet Great Dane Penny has one quirk: she hates United Parcel Service drivers.
While walking Penny one day, around the corner of a house came a UPS man. 
Struggling to keep hold of Penny, the owner tried to ease the situation said, "As you can see, he just loves UPS men."
"Don't you feed her anything else?" he responded.

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In honor of our national pastime

The new maharajah of an Indian province issued a royal decree. He ordered that no one was to kill any wild animals while he was the country's leader. The decree was honored until there were so many wild animals running loose that the people revolted and threw the maharajah from power.

This is the first known instance of the reign being called on account of the game.

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An elephant was drinking out of a river one day, when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. So, he ambled on over and kicked it clear across the river.
"What did you do that for?" Asked a passing giraffe.
"Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 53 years ago."
"Wow, what a memory" commented the giraffe.
"Yes," said the elephant, "I have turtle recall".

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

And in conclusion:

Two young men were out in the woods on a camping trip, when they came upon this great trout brook. They stayed there all day, enjoying the fishing, which was super.
At the end of the day, knowing that they would be graduating from college soon, they vowed that they would meet, in twenty years, at the same place and renew the experience.
Twenty years later, they met and traveled to a spot near where they had been years before. They walked into the woods and before long came upon a brook. One of the men said to the other, "This is the place!"
The other replied, "No, it's not!".
The first man said, "Yes, I do recognize the clover growing on the bank on the other side.
To which the other man replied, "Silly, you can't tell a brook by its clover."