I have been following a
literary thread from some friends lately.
Their literary comments have gotten a bit crazy – going off the tracks
like a runaway Twain. Some are so convinced
that their favorite writer is the best that they all they say is ‘Hemmingway or
the highway.’ I like the poetry of Edgar
Allen but he is just a Poe boy and nobody loves him. And his raven – “Nevermore” – so passive
aggressive. As they say the pen is
mightier than the sword, but only if the sword is quite small and the pen is
really, really big and sharp.
It is wonderful that some
people still read books. Of course,
these days literature falls into two broad categories: books you want to be
seen reading but don’t really want to read, and books that you want to read but
do not want to be seen reading. That is
why 50 Shades of Gray should come in a book cover that says “Wuthering Heights”
or something.
But with that on my mind,
here are some literary jokes.
Can you imagine getting a
Valentine’s Day from a famous author?
·
Just take this
stupid phony card. Love J.D. Salinger
·
If I am forced to
endure your company I think I might eventually come to love you. Love, in the end, Jane Austin
·
I think I might
have loved you, once. In the rain. Love Ernest Hemmingway
*******************************
A man walks into a book
shop and says, ‘Can I have one of Shakespeare’s works?’
‘Of course, sir,’ says the
salesman. ‘Which one?’
The man replies,
‘William.’
-----------------------------------------------------
A chicken runs into a
library, goes to the main desk and says, ‘Book, bok, bok, boook.’ The librarian
hands the chicken a book and it tucks it under its wing and runs out. A while
later, the chicken runs back in, throws the book on the desk and says, ‘Book,
bok, bok, bok, boook.’ Again the librarian gives it a book, and the chicken
runs out with it. A few minutes later the chicken is back, and returns the book
saying, ‘Boook, book, bok, bok, boook.’ The librarian gives the chicken a third
book, but this time follows it as it runs out. The chicken runs down the
street, through a park and down to the river where a frog is sitting on the
bank. The chicken holds up the book to the frog, saying, ‘Book, bok, bok,
boook’.
The frog replies,
‘Read-it, read-it, read-it…’
We authors get no
respect.
·
‘From the moment
I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter –
someday I intend reading it.’ Groucho Marx
·
‘I read part of
the book all the way through.’ Samuel Goldwyn
·
‘I just received
the copy of the book you sent me. I
shall waste no time reading it.’ Winston Churchill
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
A writer sends his
manuscript to a publisher with a note saying, ‘None of the characters in this
story bear any resemblance to any person living or dead.’ The publisher sends
back the book with a note saying, ‘That’s what’s wrong with it.’
**************************
A writer dies and Saint
Peter offers him the choice of Hell or Heaven. To see what he has in store
Saint Peter takes him to Hell where rows of writers are chained to their desks
being whipped by demons in a steaming dungeon. However, when they get to Heaven
the writer is astonished to see that nothing has changed – rows of writers are
chained to their desks in a steaming dungeon being whipped. ‘Hey!’ says the
writer, ‘this is just as bad as Hell!’ ‘No, it’s not,’ replies Saint Peter. ‘Up
here you get published.’
………………………….
I had a dream last night
that I wrote Lord of the rings, I was Tolkien in my sleep!
+++++++++++++++++++
Dick is introduced to an
author at a party. ‘My last book was terribly difficult,’ the author says. ‘It
took me over six years to complete.’
‘I can sympathize,’
replies Dick. ‘I’m a slow reader myself.’
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
A man finds an old violin
and an oil painting in his attic and takes them to be valued. ‘You know what
you’ve got here,’ says the antiques dealer. ‘A Stradivarius and a Rembrandt.’
‘Wow!’ says the man. ‘So
they must be worth millions.’
‘Unfortunately not,’
replies the dealer. ‘Rembrandt made the violin and Stradivarius painted the
picture.’
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Writer to critic, ‘So
what’s your opinion of my book?’
Critic, ‘It’s worthless.’
Writer, ‘I know, but I’d
like to hear it anyway.’
===============
A critic is like a legless
man teaching running.
And finally,
What is Forrest Gump’s
computer password? 1Forrest1
No comments:
Post a Comment