Place names JOW #749

My next book signing event will be in Livingston, Texas, about sixty miles north of my home.  While driving up there I sometimes have to go through the charmingly named town of Cut and Shoot, Texas.  That got me thinking about other interesting place names.  A short search turned up such places as Humptulips, Washington; Titty Hill, England; Anus, France; Cool, California;  Beer, in Devon, England; Disco, Tennessee; Fear Not, Pennsylvania; Rest and Be Thankful, Utah; Argyll and Butte, Scotland;  Arsenic Tubs, New Mexico; Dismal, Tennessee (obviously); Double Trouble, New Jersey (even more obviously)  & Boring City, Oregon.  Everyone is familiar with Intercourse, Pennsylvania, but I was not aware of the German town of Fucking, which apparently does not have the same meaning in German as it does in English.  The story I read was that it became so common for couples to take selfies under the sign while, well, ‘doing it’ that the township had to erect closed circuit televisions to aid law enforcement.  Which then made me wonder, why make a selfie of yourself and your sweetie in the act, (which must be acrobatically challenging) when you could just go to the police station and get a copy from the cops?

In the course in my travels, I have been in a lot of places but apparently I have never been in cahoots.  I hear you can’t go there alone, as you need to be in Cahoots with others.  I have never been in Cognito, either but even if I had you would not have recognized me.  Nor I have I been in Sane, although a few people nearly drove me there which is better than jumping to Conclusions.
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Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they approached the town of Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town.
They went back and forth until they stopped for lunch. At the counter, one tourist asked the employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?"
The guy leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."

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Then they got into an argument about how to pronounce Hawaii.

One insisted it was ‘Havaii’ while the other said the w was pronounced – “Hawaii.”

Once again they asked a strange to judge the correct pronunciation.

“It is pronounced ‘Havaii’,” he told them.

“See”, crowed the winner.  “Thank you my good man for your help.”

“You’re velcome,” the Swede replied.

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A Scot, an Englishman and an Irishman sit in a pub and discuss the best pubs around.
The Englishman says, "There's a pub in the West Midlands where the landlord buys you a drink for every one that you buy."
The Scot is not impressed and says, "That's nothing! In the Highlands I know a place where every time you buy a drink, the landlord buys you two.
The Irishman, totally unimpressed, says, "That's nothing. In Dublin there's this pub where everyone buys your drinks all night, and you can get laid every night."
The Scot and Englishman are well impressed and ask if the Irishman goes there a lot.

He replies "No, but my sister told me all about it."

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Two girls have a flat and have to pull over to the side of the road.

Concerned about safety the brunette asks her friend to get out and check her hazard lights.

"Are my flashers on?" she asks.

The blonde calls back. "Yup. Nope. Yup. Nope. Yup."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

A cop pulls over a blonde for speeding and asks her for her license.

"You cops should get it together," she said. "One day you take away my license, and the next day you ask me to show it to you."

Finally, some random thoughts:

·         There is a new Jurassic Park movie coming up.  I have an ad line they can use:  If you love something set it free…well, unless it is a T-Rex.

·         And there is a new zombie movie coming out: “You Only Live Twice.”

·         If necessity is the mother of invention, is MacGyver the father?

·         Always give 100% - unless you are giving blood.

·         I may be crazy but at least I have each other.

·         Synonym – a word used for one you can’t spell

·         The misuse of the word ‘literally’ makes me figuratively insane.

·         5/4ths of all people have trouble with fractions

·         There is a fine line between the numerator and the denominator.

·         Wanted, dead or alive: Schrödinger’s Cat

·         I have not yet begun to procrastinate.

·         If you have a Tex-Mex emergency do you call nine-Juan-Juan?

·         If life gives you lemons, keep them because, hey, free lemons.

·         But if life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.

·         Dear Math, I am not a therapist.  Find solve your own problems.

·         Dear Algebra, please stop asking me to find your X.  She is not coming back.

·         Everything is easier said than done.  Well, except for talking… that is about the same.

·         What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?