My "Charlie" JOW

What with all the support we (well everyone except the current administration) are providing the satirical magazine ‘Charlie’ these days I thought I might tempt the wrath of Allah and provide some Islamic jokes.  They are hard to find.  Apparently the Prophet did not have much of a sense of humor.  I do find it telling that ‘Charlie’ could not be published on most American university campuses because their humor (which mocks everyone) is viewed as “hate speech”; that definition makes censorship okay.  So here in the U.S. we do to ourselves what took Muslim AK-47s to do in France.

But enough politics, on to the humor.

How does every Muslim joke begin?

By looking over your shoulder.

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Arab scientists have invented a time-travel device that can transport an entire country back to the Seventh Century.

They’re calling it ‘Islam’.

++++++++++++++++

Iran claims to have launched an Islamic rocket onto Moon.

News on Iranian state news channel reported, “Water found on Moon”.

News on CNN:”Iranian rocket found in Arabian Sea”.

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An amateur group of Islamic film makers in Britain have posted a video on YouTube which mocks Christianity and Jesus Christ.  It is so offensive that BBC reported that St Peter's church in Shrewsbury have postponed their tea and cake morning until next Wednesday, and Dorothy Green from Margate has written a letter of complaint.
When will the madness end?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

Then there is the new Islamic inflatable sex doll: she blows herself up.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

Did you hear the one about the Muslim who won a Nobel Prize in Physics?
Neither did I.

Okay, I better let some of the other religions have their turn:

I know three fundamental truths about religion:

Jews don't recognize Jesus as the Son of God,

Protestants don't recognize the Pope as the Vicar of Christ,

and Baptists don't recognize each other at the bar on Saturday nights.

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A Rabbi and a Priest buy a car together and it's being stored at the Priest's house. One day the Rabbi goes over to use the car and he sees him sprinkling water on it. The Rabbi asked, ''What are you doing?'' The Priest responded, ''I'm blessing the car.''

So the Rabbi said ''Okay, since we're doing that....'' and takes out a hacksaw and cuts two inches off the tail pipe.

……………………………….

A Priest and a Rabbi were eating together when the priest started to tease the Rabbi.

”Wow, this ham is really good” he said licking his lips.”I know it’s against your religion, but when are you going to break down and finally have some.”

After a moments though the Rabbi responded with a smile “at your wedding!”

**********************

A priest, a rabbi, a minster, and a flamingo walk into a bar.  The bartender looks up and says. “I know, I know, if any of your flock calls you aren’t here.”

Then the flamingo says to the others, “If a penguin comes in, pretend you are not with me.”

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A Catholic boy and a Jewish boy were talking and the Catholic boy said, "My priest knows more than your rabbi."

The Jewish boy said, "Of course he does, you tell him everything."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"A rabbi in a supermarket asks, 'How much is this chicken?'

The butcher says, 'That's not chicken, it's pork."

The rabbi replies, 'So who is asking you?'

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One well-known city businessman once met the local priest and told him, "You probably noticed, Holy Father, that I don't visit the church."

"Yes, I noticed and I regret this," answered the priest.

"I don't go to the church because there are many hypocrites there."

The priest replied, "We can always find a place for one more."

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A Baptist was counseling a couple who were planning to be married soon.  They were worried about sinning while having sex.

 “Are there any positions we should not use?” asked the bride to be shyly.

“Only one – you must not do it standing up.”

“Why?”

“It is too much like dancing."

*******************

In Mumbai, a man is going to jump off the building. Up rushes good Hindu cop to talk him down. Cop yells up to the man "Don't jump! Think of your father" Man replies "Haven't got a father; I'm going to jump."

The cop goes through a list of relatives, mother, brothers, sister, etc.

Each time man says "haven't got one; going to jump."

Desperate the cop yells up "Don't jump! Think of Lord Krishna"

Man replies "Who is that?"

Cop yells "Jump, you Muslim scum! You're blocking traffic!"
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A news reporter goes to see a Jewish man who has been going to the western wall in Israel to pray once a day for 50 years, the reporter goes up to him and says, “Hello I’m a reporter for the BBC and we know you’re quite famous around this wall so we were wondering if we could ask you a few questions.” The man agrees and she asks, “So we were wondering; what have you actually been praying for all of these years?”

The man replies, “I have been praying for peace between the Jews and Arabs and for all world hatred and terrorism to stop, and for my children and grandchildren to grown up in a peaceful world.”

The news reporter says, “Wow that’s truly beautiful, how do you feel after doing this for 50 years?”

The man replies, “I feel like I’ve been talking to a brick wall.”

And finally to sum it all up:  Religious Shit

·         Taoism -Shit happens.

·         Buddhism -If shit happens, it's not really shit.

·         Islam -If shit happens, it's the will of Allah.

·         Protestantism -Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.

·         Judaism -Why does this shit always happen to us?

·         Hinduism -This shit happened before.

·         Catholicism -Shit happens because you're bad.

·         Hare Krishna -Shit happens rama rama.

·         T.V. Evangelism -Send more shit.

·         Atheism -No shit.

·         Jehova's Witness -Knock knock, shit happens.

·         Hedonism -There's nothing like a good shit happening.

·         Christian Science -Shit happens in your mind.

·         Agnosticism -Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.

·         Rastafarianism -Let's smoke this shit.

·         Existentialism -What is shit anyway?

·         Stoicism -This shit doesn't bother me.