It
is the end of the year and it becomes all to easy to view things reported on
the mass media as signs of the coming apocalypse. It happens almost every year. Do you remember the great Mayan calendar debacle in 2012? People were making apocalypse jokes like
there was no tomorrow. But there was one, as there always have been. I don't want to sound
like I'm bragging or anything, but this is the fifth end of the world I've
survived. People predict the world is going to end soon…. pssh. We can barely predict the weather. And
the world has gone so crazy that I think that in the event of a zombie
apocalypse there would probably be zombie rights activists. And I wonder; if a zombie apocalypse happened
in Vegas, would it stay in Vegas?
So with all signs of the end I began to
think about signs in general. do
love funny signs. Although primarily
visual humor, I was able to capture some of them
I
Please be Safe
Do not stand, sit
or climb on fences.
If you fall the
animals could eat you
and that might
make them sick
Thank you
 |
On a door:
Push
if that doesn’t
work,
Pull
If that doesn’t
work we must be closed
 |
Danger
The dog has a gun
And refuses to
take his medication
 |
Warning
Children left
unattended
Will be sold to
the circus
Or this one
 |
Unattended
Children
Will be given an
expresso
And a free puppy
 |
Keep right
 |
This sign was in Australia:
Absolutely
No alcohol
Beyond this point
So start chugging
 |
In case of fire
Exit building
Before tweeting
About it
Sign with replaceable letters are a good
source of humor
 |
Quit $T3AL!N6
0ur Lett3r$
 |
Win a free ride
In a Police Car
Just shoplift
From this store
 |
Buy Bed and get
free
1 night stand
As are warning signs
 |
Dark Room
Keep door closed
If left open all
The dark leaks out
 |
Please
Don’t throw your
cigarette butts
on the floor. The cockroaches
are getting cancer
 |
Caution
This machine has
no brain
Use your own
On a chainsaw made by a Finnish company that
was tired of U.S. mandated warnings
 |
Caution
Do not stop
the moving chain
With your hand
or genitals
 |
Men to the left
Because
Women are always
right
A sign on a Vancouver park
 |
Attention Dog Owners
Pick up after your
dogs, thank you
Attention Dogs
Grrrr… bark….woof,
good dog
Eau Gallie Veterinary Hospital is famous for its signs
such as:
·
No hump
Wednesdays - 10% off spay and neuter
·
The only
balls your dog needs are the ones he fetches
·
Neutering
your pets make them less nuts
·
We like
big mutts and we cannot lie
The Simpsons remain a rich trove of humor. They love to tuck away little bits in the
corners of scenes. Here are a few I
remember
o
Sign on a storefront: Suicide Notes formerly Good Vibrations
o
Painless Dentistry formerly Painful Dentistry
o
On a parking garage: Pay & Park & Pay
o
Jolly Gummibears – they hibernate in your colan
o
Springfield Christian School – we put the fun in
Fundamentalist Dogma
o
Springfield Dog Track – think of them as little
horses
o
Nuts and Gum: together at last
o
Original Famous Ray’s; not affiliated with Famous
Original Rays
o
On a tube: Warning -in case of ingestion consult
a mortician
o
A banner outside a school: Parent Teacher
Night Let’s share the blame
o
Springfield Psychiatric Hospital – “Because
there may not be bugs on you.”
o
Child Psychiatrist “Where Imaginary Friends come
to die’
o
On a door in the High School: Year Book Office –
“Immortalizing your awkward phase”
o
Merry Widow Insurance Company
The First Church of
Springfield Sign changes frequently–
o Private
Wedding Please worship elsewhere
and
o The
Miracle of Shame
and
o No
shirt, No shoes, No salvation
o
On the community center bulletin board – Candy
Convention Room 1! also Candy-Shaped Rat
Poison Convention Room 11
o
Free Health Fair Convention – Welcome
cheapskates
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