50 Shades of JOW #753

There has been a lot of buzz about the movie of the book 50 Shades of Grey.  No, it is not about the contents of Elton John’s wig drawer.  Apparently it is a first person account of a young woman’s torrid affair with a handsome billionaire with lots steamy sex.  Sort of like most romance novels only with a modern book cover.  50 Shades of Grey is obviously pitched to women; in sex, like everything else, women are more complicated than men.  If it were aimed at men it would probably have a title like ‘A Couple of Shades of Grey’.  I hear the move is like porn…without any porn.  In order to keep that R rating they apparently had to tone it down to your typical made for cable TV movie levels.  Like Sex in the City, lots of women went to see the movie – men not so much.

According to this press release:

Fifty Shades of Grey' dominates box office with $94.5 million and becomes highest February debut ever.

The S&M-themed film did damage at the box office, destroying President's Day and Valentine's Day weekend records. Sixty-eight (68 %) percent of the movie goers were female, which means about one in three of them dragged along their significant other. 

My friend Tom found the article below on the internet. It seems there is one man in the world that went to see Fifty Shades alone. How embarrassing is THAT?

One brave soul dared to do something that no man has been brave enough to attempt: He went to see Fifty Shades of Grey all by himself. 

It's an admirable mission, for certain. It's embarrassing enough to sit in that theater as a woman, surrounded by a group of girlfriends, as you watch handcuffed actors fornicate. But, to attend a screening on your own is to know true shame. This poor man looked shame right in the face and said, "Hey, I want to see this movie! I will overcome you, Shame." He was going to watch Christian and Anastasia, and he didn't give a darn who knew it.  Until a camera crew showed up; as soon as he walked out of the theater to the sight of a full-on news program conducting interviews with moviegoers, he quickly realized the gravity of his mistake. Frozen in fear, he first attempts to retreat. Then, finding himself surrounded and stuck (alas, there is no back Shame Exit in movie theaters), he decided to attempt the Duck-and-Run.

That was also unsuccessful. There is no shadow dark enough to hide your self-reproach, sir. It's time to own it: You went to see Fifty Shades of Grey all by yourself.  Isn't life better when you walk in the light?  You are single Fifty Shades man, hear you roar.

His last name is Grey. Her last name is Steele. If they get married and she chooses to accept his last name while keeping her own with the use of the currently fashionable hyphen, then Anastasia’s last name will be Steele-Grey.

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I was able to get one brief excerpt from the book:

"I still want more," I whisper.

"I know," he says… as he signals to the waiter for more tea.

I can see all the copy cat titles now:

·         For those who like to drink tea - 50 Shades of Earl Grey

·         For Little Women fans - 50 Shades of Louisa May Alcott

·         To keep up with current hits – 50 Shades of Gray with Vampires and Zombies

·         And for those who find female sex disgusting - 50 Shades of Gay

THESE JOKES TOM SENT ME ARE IN SUCH BAD TASTE, I WAS AGHAST AND HIGHLY OFFENDED. I ONLY SHARE THEM WITH YOU SO THAT YOU CAN JOIN ME IN MY CRUSADE AGAINST DISPICABLE INTERNET HUMOR LIKE THIS.

After each one think "ta da boom" for best effect.

·         I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the sidewalk! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.

·         My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

·         Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt! Do you think I should change dentists?

·         A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.

·         I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening".

·         The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So, I went back to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes back.

·         At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I lost by one point: The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently the correct answer was Africa!

·         One of the other questions that I missed was to name one thing commonly found in cells. It appears that Mexicans is not the correct answer either.

·         There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center, but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some of the new bomber jackets.