Hip Hipster JOW #767

People who live in urban areas may have run into hipsters – (mostly) young people who are oh so cool, detached, retro.  They are sort of Twenty First Century beatniks.  And yes, they are imminently mockable. 

Hipsters do things like bring (and use) a portable typewriter at Starbucks.  Or plug their ear buds into an old 45 record player – also at Starbucks.  They take selfies using film cameras.  Texas hipsters sometimes do carry guns but they are from some obscure firearms manufacturer you probably haven’t heard of. 

So here is some hipster humor including a knock knock joke, ‘walk into a bar jokes’,  riddles, along with some other random jokes I like.

--Knock knock.
--Who's there?
--Hipster.
--Hipster who?
--Yeah, I didn't think you would have heard of me. I'm pretty obscure.

Hipster Riddles

Q: Why do hipsters love ice?

A: Because ice was water before it was cool.

Q. Who was the first hipster?

A. You’ve probably never heard of him.

Q. Have you heard the new hipster joke?

A. Yeah, I have it on vinyl

Q. How did the hipster burn his tongue?

A. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.

Q. How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. Dude, the light bulb was cooler before it changed.

Q. How many hipsters did it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. You don't know?

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If a tree falls in the wilderness and no one hears it, will a hipster buy the soundtrack?

Hipsters hate rivers – too mainstream

So a hipster walks into a bar - you've probably never heard of it.

Two hipsters walk into a bar.  One did it before it was cool and the other did it ironically.

Actually hipster jokes themselves are now just too mainstream.

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What hipsters say                              What hipsters mean

-I have issues                                       I don’t and wish I was more mysterious

-Check out this song                            I know lots of bands you’ve never heard of

-Is this vegan?                                     I am a person of strong convictions and weak bowel movements                                                                                       

-I’m near sighted                                I found these perfect Urkel glasses and I couldn’t resist

-I like your jeans                                 I don’t like your jeans

-Your neighborhood was                     If my parents knew how often I get mugged they would

cool, before it was gentrified               stop paying my rent

-Do you have any beer                        Do you have a can of Pabst?  Can you take a picture of me

                                                            drinking it?                                 

-I got this at Goodwill for $2.              I got this at American Apparel for $99.95

-I don’t have a TV                                I think I am better than you.

-I don’t know any Republicans            I think I am better than you.

-Cars are hurt the environment         I am too poor for a car, and I still think I am better than you.

-I don’t believe in labels                     I do – mine is ‘hipster’

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Non hip jokes.

I was in Costco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said, ''Are you two an item?''

I had dinner with a chess grand master the other night and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

I left my Adderall in my Ford Fiesta, now it’s a Ford Focus.

Helen Keller walks into a bar, then a table, then a chair.

I saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to reverse and leaving the scene.  But before I did Ieft a note on windshield of the parked car I hit.  It read “I am sorry I backed into your car.  A lot of people saw me do it.  They think I am leaving you my insurance information.  I am not.”

A question for vegetarians – If you are trying to save the animals, why are you eating their food?

And finally

Marvin, was in the hospital on his death bed. The family called Marvin’s Preacher to be with him in his final moments. As the Preacher stood by the bed, Marvin’s condition seemed to deteriorate, and Marvin motioned for someone to quickly pass him a pen and paper. The Preacher quickly got a pen and paper and lovingly handed it to Marvin. But before he had a chance to read the note, Marvin died. The Preacher feeling that now wasn’t the right time to read it put the note in his jacket pocket. It was at the funeral while speaking that the Preacher suddenly remembered the note. Reaching deep into his pocket the Preacher said “and you know what, I suddenly remembered that right before Marvin died he handed me a note, and knowing Marvin I’m sure it was something inspiring. With that introduction the Preacher ripped out the note and opened it.

The note said “YOU ARE STANDING ON MY OXYGEN TUBE!”