Reunion JOW #774

I went to a sort of mini family reunion this weekend.  Called ‘Cousin Camp’, it brings together almost all the progeny of my mother-in-law and their spouses.  Held at a lake house it is quite a lively get together.  I am fortunate in my family and enjoy their company; I know how lucky I am. Any family tree produces some peaches, some lemons, some nuts and a few bad apples.  This family is more like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts.

So here are some familial jokes, wrapped up with a trio of knock, knock jokes.

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A wealthy old man looked around the table at his two sons and two daughters, as well as their spouses, who were all gathered for a family reunion.

"Not a single grandchild," he said with a sigh. "Why, I'll give a million dollars to the first person who presents me with a little one. Now let's say a blessing for this food." He then bowed his head and prayed.

When the old man lifted his head, his wife was the only other one at the table.

…………………………….

A man solved the problem of too many visiting relatives. He borrowed money from the rich ones and loaned it to the poor ones. Now none of them come back.

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After 50 years of wondering why he didn't look like his younger sister or brother, a man finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted.

"Yes, you were son," his mother said as she started to cry softly. "but it didn't work out and they brought you back."

Some familial one liners

·         You might be a redneck if… your family tree doesn’t fork.

·         You might be a redneck if… you go to a family reunion to pick up girls.

·         They lived happily until they got married.

·         They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

·         Memory is what tells a man his wedding anniversary was yesterday.

·         The family that sticks together should bathe more often.

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A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,

"Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws.”

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A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents "how was I born?"

"Well honey…" said the slightly prudish parent, "the stork brought you to us."

"OH," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked.

"Oh, the stork brought us too."

"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted.

"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the parent, by now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner.

Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."

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Here are some ideas for Family Reunion tee shirt logos

·         Shake your family tree and watch the nuts fall!

·         Crazy is our maiden name!

·         Grown up, but not apart!

·         New leaves, stronger roots!

·         One reunion, many paths: Psychopaths, sociopaths, and more psychopaths.

·         Putting the “fun” in dysfunctional

·         Back to our roots!

·         We are like a Payday candy bar: Just a few nuts sticking together!

·         We are the people our mom warned us about.

·         Reunion survivor!

·         Who put the Miracle-Gro on the (insert last name) family?!

·         We’re just getting started!

·         Buy me a beer, my family is here!

Finally, I felt the need to include some Knock-Knock jokes – they generally get no respect.

Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Oink-oink.
Oink-oink who?
Make up your mind… are you a pig or an owl?

Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Phyllis.
Phyllis who?
Phyllis in on the latest gossip.

Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Keith.
Keith who?
Keith me, thweetheart.