Laboring Hard JOW #830

Labor Day is an odd holiday.  It was originally was to recognize the contributions of working people.  In the 125 years or so it has been a federal holiday its meaning has been diluted along with the labor moment.  Today it should be known as Official End of Summer Weekend, a designated barbecue holiday.  I intended to have some jokes about Labor Day, but it, like feminism, is just not very funny.  So I put together some quick jokes for your amusement.

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Apparently Hillary Clinton is the only person who got an email from a Nigerian Prince and actually got the $20 million.

This joke allegedly won an award for the best joke in world competition held in England:

A group of French, German, Russian, and American doctors were boasting about their nation’s medical prowess.

The French doctor started by saying, “We took a dead man's balls and transplanted them to a
living man and now he is looking for work.’

The German doctor says: “In Germany, we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in four weeks he is looking for work."
The Russian doctor says:  "Gentlemen, we can take half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in two weeks he is looking for work."    

The American doctor laughs: "You all are behind us. Seven years ago, we took a man with no brains, no heart and no balls and made him President twice.
Now, the whole country is looking for work!"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>

A boy came home from school and informed his dad that ‘gay marriage will soon be legal in the US.”

His dad asked him “Why are you so happy?  Do you have a boyfriend?”

“No, it’s the principle, dad.”

His father shrugged, “At least it’s not the priest.”

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A man and woman are sleeping together when sudden there was a noise downstairs.  Seeing the man is deeply asleep, she wakes him and whispers, “It’s my husband, you have to get out of here.”

The man jumps out of bed, grabs his trousers, and heads for the window.  He is half out when he realizes he is in his own home.

He looks back to the woman and says, “Wait, I’m your husband.”

She looks and him with crossed arms.  “So why did you run?”

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A man wakes up alone in a hospital bed.  The room is completely empty but for his bed.  He pushed the call button and a voice replies.

“Where am I?” he asked plaintively.

“You are in the isolation ward,” the box says.  “You have a new dangerous virus that is terribly contagious.”

“What are you going to do for me?” asked the man.

“Well, to start we are putting you on a strict diet of pizza only.”

“Why pizza?”

“It’s the only thing we can fit under the door.”

*****************

A man came to the door of a charity.  “Sir, you have got to help!” the man at the door said tearfully.  “There is a family I know very well that is in desperate need of money.  The father has been ill for months.  The mother lost her job three months ago.   They have five kids at home with barely enough to eat.  The worst part is they are about to be kicked out of their apartment and will be left on the streets without a roof over their heads.”

“Well,” said the charity director, “that is really sad.  Why don’t you come inside and talk about it a little more.”  The man stopped sobbing and sat down.  “So how much money does this family need?”

“Oh, it is really terrible,” sniffed the man, “they will need $3000 for the rent by tomorrow or they will be evicted.”

“How do you know so much about his poor family?” asked the director as he reached for his checkbook.

“Well,” said the man, “they are my tenants.”

Here is a cute puzzle I remember from way back when.

A long time ago, a farmer went into town and bought a bag of feed, a bucket, two chickens, and a goose.  He looks at his purchases and says, “Damn.  I walked here.  How am I going to get all this back to my farm?”

The store owner was smart.  “Why don’t you put the feed in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?”

“Good idea,” said the farmer gratefully and set off for home.

On his way back through town he met a lady who told him she was lost.  “Do you know the way to Mockingbird Lane?”

“Well, as a matter of fact I live just down the road from there.  Let’s take a shortcut down this alley.”

The lady looked at him and said, “Sir, I am a lonely widow with no husband to defend me.  How do I know that when we get into that secluded alley you will not back me against that wall, lift up my skirts, and have your way with me?”

The farmer looked at her in astonishment.  “Lady, how could I do that?  I am carrying a bag of feed, a bucket, two chickens and a goose?”

The widow was smart.  “Well,” she said with a grin, “you could put the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the feed on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the chickens…”