Dog Gone JOW #863

We returned Ruth’s dog, Oliver to our house in Texas.  We are living in a small space and he does add another level of chores.  Although we have settled in to our new situation we do miss our dogs.  That got me thinking about canine humor.  I usually do a set of dog jokes in August, but the field is rich enough to visit more than once a year.

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Did you know dogs can jump higher than a house? This is largely due to the dog’s powerful hind legs and the fact houses can’t jump.

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A woman called our airline 
customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board.

“Sure,” the rep said, “as long as you provide your own kennel.” He further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and roll over.

The customer was flummoxed: 
“I’ll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!”

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A Canadian psychologist is 
selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog 
is smarter than you.

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Dog thoughts:

·         Three out of four dogs love bacon.  The other one knows there is a pill in it.

·         Dumb dog. I bought a dog whistle. He won’t use it.

·         Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It’s hardly ever for them.

·         You never realize a dog is a man’s best friend until you start betting on horses.

·         If a Dog barks his head off In the forest and no human hears him, Is he still a Bad Dog?

·         Nothing on earth is friendlier than a wet dog.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

They should make an alarm clock with a sound like a dog about to throw up.  Nothing gets me out of bed quicker than that.

Stupid pet riddles:

Q: Why do you need a license for a dog and not for a cat?
A:  Cats can’t drive!

Q: Why do you need a license for a dog and not for a cat?
A:  Cats can’t drive!

Q: What’s the difference between a businessman and a hot dog?
A: The businessman wears a suit but the dog just pants.

Q: What do you get if you cross a Rottweiler and a hyena?

A: I don’t know but in if it laughs I recommend you join in.

Q: Why do dogs make terrible dance partners?
A: They’ve got two left feet!

Q: What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator?

A: A friend you can count on.

Q: What happened to the dog that ate nothing but garlic?

A: His bark was much worse than its bite!

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A police officer was sitting his car with his K9 partner in the back seat.

A boy walked over and asked, “Is that a dog in the back seat?”

The officer said, “It sure is.”

The boy was shocked, “Wow, what did he do?”

Some Dog Quotes:

Dogs, first they steal your heart.  Then they steal your bed.

--Anonymous

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
--Ogden Nash

A dog is like an eternal Peter Pan, a child who never grows old and who therefore is always available to love and be loved.
--Aaron Katcher, American Educator and Psychiatrist

Here, Gentlemen, a dog teaches us a lesson in humanity.
--Napoleon Bonaparte

They never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about yourself, and keep up an appearance of being interested in the conversation.
--Jerome K. Jerome, English humorist

They never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about yourself, and keep up an appearance of being interested in the conversation.
--Jerome K. Jerome, English humorist

With eye upraised his master’s look to scan,
The joy, the solace, and the aid of man:
The rich man’s guardian and the poor man’s friend,
The only creature faithful to the end.
--George Crabbe.

Dog tags:

- I got lost prowling for bitches.  Have your people call my people

-Please help me get home quickly. My mommy is probably really crying by now.

Show dogs aren't like pets

Pets shed. . . . . . . . . Show dogs "blow coat"

Pets are in heat. . . . . .Show dogs come "into season"

Pets trot. . . . . . . . . Show dogs "gait" or "move"

Pets stand. . . . . . . . .Show dogs "stack"

Pets get baths. . . . . . .Show dogs are "groomed"

Pets beg for food. . . . . Show dogs "express desire for bait"

Pets jump the fence. . . . Obedience dogs "have natural jumping ability"

Pets poop. . . . . . . . . Obedience dogs "toilet"

Pets bark at other dogs. . Obedience dogs "show excitement before showing"

Pets chew up the trash. . .Obedience dogs "show a natural tendency for scent articles"