Feast Day JOW #891

I preface this JOW with an unusual appeal.  I have signed up for a trip to the Holy Land this spring.  Ruth, for various good reasons, is not going.  That means unless I can find a roomie I will have to pay substantially more for the trip (single room).  So if any of you would like to go on the trip of a lifetime, or know someone who might like to go, please email me and I will provide the particulars.  The trip is 7-19 March, and I have to submit my fees by 1 December.  Since we will share a room (but not a bed) I will need the person to be male.  I may be old, but Ruth is not that understanding.

The malls are all decorated and playing Christmas music.  You know what that means – it’s almost Thanksgiving.  Thanksgiving – keeping therapists busy since 1621.   Some people apparently get stressed about Thanksgiving where they have to associate with relatives - Not me; a good Thanksgiving here in Texas is one where all the relatives you don’t like are still in jail. 

A happy and joyous Thanksgiving to you all.

A Thanksgiving Poem:

May your stuffing be tasty

May your turkey be plump

May your potatoes and gravy

Have nary a lump

May your yams be delicious

And your pies take the prize

And may you Thanksgiving dinner

Stay off of your thighs

Thanksgiving Quotes:

“Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and then throw them out.”—Nicole Hollander

“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”—Erma Bombeck

“You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.”—Jay Leno

I'm so stuffed I feel like a bunch of people in matching outfits should be parading me down Fifth Avenue. - Ellen DeGeneres

Here is an old favorite of mine.  It is topical:

A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving.  "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this,"
She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Young Bubba was sitting in his grandmother's kitchen, watching her prepare the Thanksgiving meal.
"What are you doing?" Bubba asked.
"Oh, I'm just stuffing the turkey," his grandmother replied.
“Are you going to hang it next to the deer?"

++++++++++++++

'Thanksgiving is America's national feast - the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty. 

In France, by contrast there are three such days: Hier, Aujourd'hui and Demain. [Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow]

A Black Friday shopping tip:

This is how to find your wife, even in the busiest shopping mall.  Follow these four point instructions, the technique never fails. 

1.      Have a look around at the shoppers, then walk up to the prettiest girl in the store. 

2.      Say to her, 'Excuse me, can you help me?  I cannot see my wife, and I know that she is here in the shopping mall somewhere.  Can you just talk to me for a couple of minutes?'

3.      The pretty girl will ask: 'Why?'

4.      You reply: 'Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife materializes out of thin air.'

These are from Pat

How do dinosaurs pay their bills? – Tyrannosaurus Checks

Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road? – It got stuck in a crack

…………………………

Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken's day off.

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Finally, some bits from Jeff Foxworthy that are so accurate

If you install security lights on your house and garage but leave both unlocked.

You may live in Texas.

If you carry jumper cables and your wife knows how to use them

You may live in Texas.

If the speed limit is 55, you’re doing 75, and everybody is passing you.

You may live in Texas.

If you know people who have hit a deer on more than one occasion. You may live in Texas.

You may live in Texas.

If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number. You may live in Texas.

If you’ve worn shorts and a parka at the same time.

You may live in Texas.

If someone in Home Depot offers you assistance, and they don’t work there.

You may live in Texas.