Good Healthy JOW #905

I see the Girl Scouts out pedaling their wares.  I am not sure about their truth in advertising.  I ate a box of thin mints and didn’t get thinner.  I don’t think they work.  That led me to thinking about weight gain and fitness in general.  I have had some nice posts on healthy exercise lately and so here are a few bits on healthy exercise.

From Rick

“The Importance of Walking”

Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 89 to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.
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 I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me
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 The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
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 I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing..
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 I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks.  Haven't lost a pound.  Apparently you have to go there.
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 Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
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 I do have flabby thighs but fortunately my stomach covers them.
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 The advantage of exercising every day is so when you’re lying in your casket, they'll say, 'Well, he looks good doesn't he.’
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 If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
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 I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years, just getting over the hill.
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 We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
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 Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a Happy Hour and by the time I leave, I look just fine.

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You know when you buy a bag of salad and it starts getting brown and has that gross water in it.  Donuts never do that.

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At the Atlanta airport for holiday, Shane settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 25. Then he heard the voice on the public address system saying, “We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 440 will board from Gate 31.”

So Shane picked up his luggage and carried it over to Gate 31. Not fifteen minutes later the public address voice told him that Flight 440 would in fact be boarding from Gate 25.

So, again, Shane gathered his carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as he was settling down, the public address voice spoke again: “Thank you for participating in Delta’s physical fitness program.”

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A recent survey shows that of all jobs, caddies live the longest. They get plenty of fresh air and exercise, and if there’s ever a medical emergency, a doctor is always nearby.

That last one got me thinking about golf

·         Golf balls are like eggs ~ they’re white. They’re sold by the dozen and a week later you have to buy more.

·         A pro-shop gets its name from the fact that you have to have the income of a professional golfer to buy anything in there.

·         It’s amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.

·         When you stop to think about it, did you ever notice that it's a lot easier to get up at 6:00

·         A.M. to play golf than at 10:00 to mow the yard or go to church?

·         Golf is by far the ultimate love / hate relationship. Sometimes it seems as though your cup runneth and moveth over.

·         It takes longer to learn good golf than it does brain surgery. On the other hand, you seldom get to ride around on a cart, drink beer and eat hot dogs while performing brain surgery.

·         A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfers from giving up the game.

·         Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you always end up praying a lot.

·         A good golf partner is one who’ always slightly worse than you.

·         That rake by the sand trap is there for golfers who feel guilty about skipping out on lawn

·         work.

·         If there’s a storm rolling in, you’ll be having the game of your life.

·         If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight.

·         Golf appeals to the child in all of us. This is proven by our frequent inability to count past the number 5.

·         It’s a simple matter to keep your ball in the fairway if you’re not choosy about which fairway.

·         If profanity had any influence on the flight of a ball, most everyone would play better.

·         The greatest sound in golf is the Whoosh, Whoosh, Whoosh, of your opponent’s club as he hurls it across the fairway.

And finally,

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week. The florist was pleased and left the shop.  When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop came in for a haircut, and when he tried to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week.' The Congressman was very happy as he left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.