Post-Mothers Day JOW #915

My JOW this week is mom-themed.  I know it is late but I tend to tell jokes based on what is tickling my fancy right then and there is a lag; thus my jokes are often a bit late.  If you need to check any of my previous Jokes of the Week, you can find the last ten years supply at http://thospinneyjow.blogspot.com/.  I also have a blog with a collection of short, illustrated articles of my recent adventures at https://tomstravelogues.blog/

So here are a few post- Mother’s Day but mom-related jokes

You know you're a mom when picking up another human to smell their butt is not only normal but totally necessary.

=============

 “It is never easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”

------------------

  “People who say they sleep like a baby don’t have one.”

…………………….

Working mothers are guinea pigs in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not necessary to human life

`````````````````

Cleaning with kids in the house is like brushing your teeth with Oreos.

>>>>>>>>>>> 

A mother’s sacrifice isn’t giving birth. It’s nine months without wine.

<<<<<<<<<<<< 

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

*******

There’s a debate about when a fetus is considered a real person. For Jewish mothers, it’s not until the child enters medical school.

“God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers.” - A Jewish Proverb

~~~~~

“Mom, why did the chicken cross the road?”

“I don’t know ask your dad.”

^^^^^^^^^^

“Mom, what’s it like to have the greatest daughter in the world?”

“I don’t know.  Ask your grandmother.”

_____________

Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young.

Some children are just ungrateful

Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother’s Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen. But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs.

“As a surprise for Mother’s Day,” one explained, “We decided to cook our own breakfast.”

And on a related note

The millennial shouted to his mom on Mother’s Day, “How does breakfast in bed sound?”
She replied, “Oh that sounds lovely!
“Great, I’ll have bacon and eggs.”

===============

I asked mom what she wanted for Mother’s Day.
She said, “A bit of care and comfort”
So I put her in a nursing home.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

A family was having dinner on Mother’s Day but the mother was unusually quiet. Finally, her husband asked what was wrong.
“Nothing,” said the woman.
Not believing her, he asked again. “No seriously, what’s wrong?”
Finally she said, “Do you really want to know? Well, I’ll tell you. I have cooked and cleaned and fed the kids for 15 years and on Mother’s Day, you don’t even tell me so much as ‘Thank you.'”
“Why should I?” he said. “Not once in 15 years have I had a Father’s Day gift.”
“Yes,” she said, “but I’m their real mother.”

And in a non-Mom vein

Sandy called a café to make reservations for 7 p.m.

Checking her book, the cheery young hostess said, "I'm sorry, all we have is 6:45. Would you like that?"

"That's fine," Sandy said.

"Okay," the woman confirmed. Then she added, "Just be advised you may have to wait 15 minutes for your table."

#######

When a woman became engaged, a colleague offered her some advice. "The first ten years of marriage are the hardest," she said. 
"How long have you been married?" the young woman asked. 
"Ten years," she replied. 

^^^^^^^^

Marriage is like a fairy tale only in reverse.  You start out at the ball in a beautiful gown and end up spending all day cleaning up after little people.

…………………….

"What is that sound?" a woman visiting our nature center asked. 
"It's the frogs trilling for a mate," Patti, the naturalist, explained. "We have a pair in the science room. But they've been together for so long, they no longer sing to each other." 
The woman nodded sympathetically. "The trill is gone." 

Bill provided these Caustic comments:

For those paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains and under the bed for murderers – what’s your plan if you find one?

I’ve got to stop saying ‘how stupid can you be?’  Too many people are taking it as a challenge.

Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges to keep the crazies from following you

Anyone who says ‘there is no such thing as a stupid question’ has never worked in Customer Service.

If I am ever on life support, unplug me.  Then plug me in again and see if that works.

------------------------------------------

It was a crazy day in the pediatric clinic.   A harried nurse handed a young patient a urine sample container and told him to fill it up in the bathroom. A few minutes later, he returned to the nurse's station with an empty cup. 
"I didn't need this after all," he said. "There was a toilet in there."