Name that JOW #954

What’s in a name?  Well, not to be to pedantic or anything, but mostly letters.  A woman made the news when her daughter’s name, Abcde, (pronounced A Bee’ See) was mocked online.  Most of the comments were something like ‘it is wrong to mock someone’s name.  It is also wrong to give your child such a stupid name in the first place.’  Names of people and things are important.  Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.  Here are some name-related jokes for your enjoyment.

Ruth sent me these:

If the person who named walkie talkies named everything…

·         Stamps= Lickie Stickie

·         Defibrillators = Hearty Starty

·         Bumble bees = Fuzzy Buzzy

·         Pregnancy Test = Maybe Baby

·         Bra = Breastie Nestie

·         Fork = Stabby Grabby

·         Socks = Feetie Heatie

·         Hippo = Floatie Bloatie

·         Nightmare = Screamy Dreamy

These are from Woody.  Seems appropriate.

 All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.   Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen... Aleve is also called Naproxen.   Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.

 After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.   

Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

 >>>>>>>>>>>>

There once was a street named Chuck Norris-They had to change the name because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives

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These have been done to a painful death, but they are so much fun to ping back and forth at cocktail parties.  Not so much when liquor is not involved.

What do you call a man on the top of an oil well?-------DEREK

What do you call a man who shoots down airplanes?------SAM

What do you call man with a seagull on his head? --------CLIFF

What do you call a man who keeps you fit?------JIM

What do you call a woman who manufactures window ledges?---CILLA

What do you call a woman who manufactures precious stones?----GEMMA

What do you call a woman who hires buildings on a long term agreement?-------LISA

What do you call a man who wears clothes made of newspaper?-----RUSSELL

What do you call a man who's swallowed a lump of Anthracite? -------COLIN

what do you call a woman who helps you with the shopping?----CARRIE

What do you call a woman who's always matchmaking?----MARIA

What do you call a woman who's always in court after damages?--SUE

What do you call a man who always wins?-----VICTOR

What do you call a woman who manufactures items for beauty contests?---SASHA

What do you call a man who looks like a duck?----BILL

What do you call a man who has been in a hot tub too long?---- STU

What do you call a man who is framed?------------ART

What do you call a swimmer with no arms or legs?---- BOB

What do you call a man with no arms or legs on the floor?------ MATT

What do you call a blind deer?----- No Eye deer.

What do you call a paralyzed blind deer?------Still no Eye deer?

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I have long been a fan of The Simpsons.  One of their long-running gags was to have Bart call up Moe’s tavern and have Moe ask for the following people.

I.P. Freely

Ivana Tinkle

Oliver Clothesoff

Homer Sexual

Maya Buttreeks

Ollie Tabooger

Hugh Jass

Anita Bath

Heywood U .Cuddleme

Al Coholic

Amanda Huggenkiss

THE NAMING OF CANADA

Three explorers were hiking through a vast forest that would eventually become Canada.
"You know," said the first explorer, "we should name this vast forest we're hiking through."
"I know," said the second explorer. "We'll each pick a letter and then make a name out of that."
"Good idea," said the third explorer. "You go first."
"Okay," said the first explorer. "C, ay."
"My turn," said the second explorer. "N, ay."
Unfortunately, before the third explorer could choose a letter, a bear jumped out of the trees and killed and ate all three explorers. Eventually, some guy came along and named the country after the local name for ‘settlement’.

A few actual names of hair salons

·         Hairapist

·         Hair We Are

·         Curl Up and Dye

·         Hairanoi

·         Oooh Girl, who did your hair?

Some random thoughts

·         The weakest part of a car is the nut behind the wheel

·         Adultery is a sin.  You can’t have your Kate and Edith too.

·         I had a really tough day.  First my ex got run over by a bus.  Then I got fired from job as a bus driver.

·         Everything happens for a reason.  Sometimes the reason is you are stupid and make bad decisions.

·         As a kid did you knock on stranger’s doors and then run away before they could answer?  If so, good news, UPS is hiring.

·         Eat salad they said.  It’s healthy they said.  You know what never gets a food recall?  Cake.

·         I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

·         It used to be only death and taxes.   Now, of course, this is a shipping and handling, too

·         My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.

·         Definition of a teenager. God's punishment for enjoying sex

And finally: Perks of reaching 60 or being over 70

In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

No one expects you to run--anywhere.

People call at 8 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"

People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

Things you buy now won't wear out.

You can eat supper at 5 PM.

You can live without sex (but not your glasses).

Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

And you notice these are all in Bigger Print for your convenience.