As usual, I am a week behind events. The 31st annual Shark Week was
aired on Discovery channel last week. I can’t believe it was Shark Week. It seems like just yesterday I was taking
down the Shark Week decorations. Shark
Week is actually the safest time to go to the beach because all the sharks are
on TV.
Perhaps we should cancel Shark Week this year in deference
to all the Sharknado survivors; never forget.
Or perhaps you just skipped the whole week. That would be outrageous – Jumping the Shark
Week.
Anyway, here are some snarky sharky jokes:
^^^^^^^^^^^
It's my ambition to see a great white shark before I die.
Just not RIGHT before I die.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Shark safety tip:
Carry a nail when scuba diving.
It distracts the Hammerheads.
===============
Pig Week. It’s like
Shark Week for rednecks.
^^^^^^^^^^^
A guy is swimming in the sea one day. Suddenly a
massive whale surfaces, opens its mouth and swallows the guy down in one
gulp.
The guy ends up still alive in the whale's enormous
stomach. He looks around and is amazed to see a great white shark also in
the whale's stomach with him.
The guy says to the shark, "Hey, you're a shark. Why
don't you just bite your way out with your teeth?"
The shark smiles and says, "Bite my way out? But why
would I do that when the meals here are so good?"
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I was at the beach
today when I saw a man in the sea yelling "Help, shark! Help!"
I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn't going to help
him.
What's a shark's favorite bible story?
Noah's Shark.
Why did the shark cross the Great Barrier Reef?
To get to the other tide.
I've just read that according to statistics, donkeys kill
more people every year than sharks.
I'd better watch my ass.
The last ten times I've been to a costume party, I've
gone as a shark.
The joke's wearing fin.
___________
Did you hear about the aquarium owner?
His shark was worse than his pike.
The star attraction at my local aquarium has been
repossessed.
Turns out it was a loan shark.
Water polo. One shark away from being the greatest sport
ever.
What's a shark's favorite science fiction TV show?
Shark Trek.
I told my friend I was attacked by a shark.
He said, "Did you punch it on the nose?"
I said, "No, it just attacked me for no
reason."
<<<<<<<<<<<<<
What do sharks eat for breakfast? Captain Crunch
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
The fur seal made it through shark-infested waters even
though he had a broken flipper. Sharks
know “not to consume if the seal is broken.”
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Two prawns were swimming around in the sea one day. The
first one was called Justin and the second one was called Kristian.
They were continually being chased and threatened
by the sharks that inhabited the area.
Eventually Justin had had enough. He said to Kristian,
"I'm fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was a shark, and then I
wouldn't have to worry about being eaten all the time."
As he said this, a large mysterious cod appeared and
said, "Your wish is granted!"
And believe it or not, with that Justin turned into a
fearsome shark.
Kristian was horrified and so immediately swam away as he
was scared of being eaten by his old friend.
As time went by, Justin found his new life as a
shark to be boring and lonely. None of his old friends would let him get near
them as they thought he would eat them and so they just swam away whenever he
approached.
It took a while, but eventually Justin realized that
his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
Then one day he was swimming all alone as usual when he
saw the large mysterious cod again. He thought it'd be better if he could go
back to his old life so he swam to the cod and begged to be changed back.
The cod worked his magic and suddenly Justin was a prawn once more.
With tears of joy streaming down his cheeks Justin swam
straight to Kristian's home.
As he opened the coral gate, the happy memories came
flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "Kristian, it's me,
Justin, your old friend. Come out and see me again."
Kristian replied, "No way! You're a shark now and
you'll just eat me. I'm not being tricked into being your dinner."
Justin shouted back "No, I'm not a shark any more.
That was the old me. I've changed...
I've found Cod. I'm a prawn again Kristian."
And finally a non-shark joke.
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot
instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get
prepared for an emergency landing.
A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.
"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards."
A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.
"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards."
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