This
is my 999th Jokes of the Week. I started
sending them out way back in the Twentieth Century.
I
admit there are some duplicates in the mix, some by accident and some because I
really liked them. Probably my favorite
is the free soaps bit by the terrific comedian Shelly Berman. It is my only
joke this week. I hope you enjoy it.
What to Do With All
Those "Free" Soaps When Travelling
This is some correspondence which actually
occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel
involved submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned.
Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom
since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial.
Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the
medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.
Thank you,
S.
Berman
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her
day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of
the shower soap dish as you requested.
The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your
Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today
which my instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily.
I hope this is satisfactory.
Kathy, Relief Maid
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Maid -- I hope you are my regular
maid.
Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my
note to her concerning the little bars of soap.
When I got back to my room this evening I found you had added 3 little
Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet.
I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own
bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6 little Camays which are on the
shelf. They are in my way when shaving,
brushing teeth, etc.
Please remove them.
S.
Berman
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid
left 3 hotel soaps which we are instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in your way on
the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was. I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for
your convenience. I didn't remove the 3
complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the medicine cabinet for all new
check-ins and which you did not object
to when you checked in last Monday.
Please let me know if I can of further assistance.
Your
regular maid,
Dotty
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder,
informed me this A.M. that you called him last evening and said you were
unhappy with your maid service. I have
assigned a new girl to your room. I hope
you will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any future complaints please
contact me so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between
8AM and 5PM. Thank you.
Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Miss Carmen,
It is impossible to contact you by phone
since I leave the hotel for business at 745 AM and don't get back before 530 or
6PM. That's the reason I called Mr.
Kensedder last night. You were already
off duty. I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little
bars of soap. The new maid you assigned me must have
thought I was a new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap
in my medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bath-room
shelf. In just 5 days here I have
accumulated 24 little bars of
soap. Why are you doing this to me?
S.
Berman
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to
stop delivering soap to your room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, please
call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.
Thank you,
Elaine Carmen,
Housekeeper
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Kensedder,
My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room
including my own bath-size Dial. I came
in late last night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere
Bouquets.
S. Berman
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine
Carmen, of your soap problem. I cannot
understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are instructed to
leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The situation will be rectified
immediately. Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.
Martin L.
Kensedder
Assistant Manager
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay
in my room? I came in last night and
found 54 little bars of soap. I don't
want 54 little bars of Camay. I want my
one damn bar of bath-size Dial. Do you
realize I have 54 bars of soap in here?
All I want is my bath size Dial.
Please give me back my bath-size Dial.
S.
Berman
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
You complained of too much soap in your
room so I had them removed. Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your
soap was missing so I personally
returned them. The 24 Camays which had
been taken and the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily (sic). I don't know anything about the 4 Cashmere
Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did
not know I had returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3
daily Camays. I don't know where you got
the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial.
I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.
Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Just a short note to bring you up-to-date
on my latest soap inventory.
As of today I possess:
- On shelf under medicine cabinet - 18
Camay in 4 stacks of
4 and 1 stack of 2.
- On
Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
- On bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3
Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
- Inside medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3
stacks of 4 and 1stack of 2.
- In shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very
moist.
- On northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere
Bouquet, slightly used.
- On northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in
2 stacks of 3.
Please ask Kathy when she services my room
to make sure the stacks are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than
4 have a tendency to tip over. May I
suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in use and will make an excellent
spot for future soap deliveries. One more item, I have purchased another bar of
bath-sized Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further
misunderstandings.
S.
Berman
No comments:
Post a Comment