Viral JOW #1021

There is literally nothing that we cannot make jokes about.  Even the currently ongoing hysteria about Corvid19 offers some grounds for humor.  Corvid19 is a potent Chinese version of the flu.   Sort of Kung Flu.  And the Chinese Year of the Rat starts out with a plague.  Ironic. 

This disease is a bit unusual.  People with the flu normally want to stay home in bed and do nothing.  Apparently people who have Corvid19 want to go on expensive vacations and cruise liners.

Unlike the majority of the population, I did not feel the need to rush out to buy soap and toilet paper with the latest epidemic threat. I already had some at home.  Especially toilet paper; thank you Costco – and Amazon.  The Great Toilet Paper Shortage was an odd response to the coronavirus outbreak. Coronavirus symptoms include fever, coughing, and shortness of breath. Nowhere has anyone said the coronavirus causes explosive diarrhea, and yet shelves are for some reason utterly bare.

Laughter is the best medicine.  Unless, of course, you have diarrhea.

All the people who make sanitizing jell must be rubbing their hands together in glee.

The World Health Organization stated that dogs cannot spread the disease and all dogs in quarantine should be let out.  So apparently – WHO let the dogs out.

Experts are confident that washing our hands frequently will combat Corvid19.  However, they also warn of an outbreak of OCD.

Corona Beer changed their name to avoid association with the corona virus.  However, the proposed alternative name, Ebola Extra, seems a poor choice.

Bond movie "No Time To Die" has been postponed due to the Coronavirus. Perhaps instead they should change the title of the movie to something less sensitive like "Quarantine Of Solace" or "A Flu to a Kill".

John Travolta, star of the movie “Grease” was recently tested for the Corvid-19 virus.  Apparently he just had “chills that were multiplying”.  Doctors believe it was only Saturday Night Fever, and he is still Staying Alive.

And Amazon employee in Seattle was confirmed to have Coronavirus.  Does that mean the rest of us could get it by Thursday if we order within the next two hours?  You have to admit, that is some Prime humor.

Some non-topic jokes

While eating Chinese takeout one evening, my son noticed there was no fortune in his cookie. “Oh, how unfortunate!” he exclaimed. 

Capitalization can really change a sentence.

Example:
I love to eat candy.
I love to eat capitalization. 

Bill reminded me of many of Will Rodger’s political quotes

Many great political jokes came from Pacific Palisades resident Will Rogers. For example:

·         “This would be a great time in the world for some man to come along that knew something.”

·         “We shouldn’t elect a President. We should elect a magician.”

·         “I hope some of the men who get the most votes will be elected.”

·         “Republicans want a man that can lend dignity to the office. Democrats want a man that will lend some money.”

·         “Why sleep at home when you can sleep in Congress?”

·         “Elections are a good deal like marriages, there’s no accounting for anyone’s tastes.” 

·         “There are people so excited over this election that they think the President has something to do with running the country."

And

·         "The short memories of American voters are what keeps our politicians in office.” 

You really have to love the United States, and the idea that anyone born here, over the age of 35, can run for President—and they generally do. 

And finally one more from Bill.

While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head. 

 Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?

 As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with marvelous cleavage.

 "I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.

 She said, "Get in and I'll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head."

 "That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"

 "Oh, come now, I'm a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."

 Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."

 We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."

 "Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

 "Still in the ditch, I guess."