We just got back from a
trip to see the adorable new granddaughter in Virginia and I realized that my
JOW this week was late! So I put
together a few jokes on getting things done at the last minute. I hope you like them
______________
I didn't like my beard so
I decided to shave it. I changed my mind
last minute though because it had really grown on me
^^^^^^
There was supposed to give
a lecture on herpes today, but it was cancelled at the last minute.
Apparently it's a sore
subject for a lot of people.
******
I waited until the last
minute to study for my driver’s exam and ended up taking a crash course.
~~~~
I wanted to do some last
minute panic buying. Then I checked my bank account.
Now all I can do is panic.
`````````
What do you call a last
minute Catholic Church service that everyone needs to attend?
Critical Mass
>>>>>>>>>
How many students does it
take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but they'll leave it
till last minute to turn it in.
“””””””
A wife and her husband
were having a dinner party for some important guests.
The wife was very excited
about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she
realized that she didn't have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her
husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails.
Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach. As he was collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach.
He kept thinking to himself, "Wouldn't it be great if she would even just come down and talk to me?" He went back to gathering the snails.
All of a sudden he looked up from collecting the last of the snails and the beautiful woman was right next to him. They started talking and time slipped away. Suddenly he realized he was late in getting the snails back to the dinner party. He grabbed his bucket, and ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He ran up the stairs of his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails. There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he's been all this time.
He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said, "Come on guys, we're almost there!!"
Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach. As he was collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach.
He kept thinking to himself, "Wouldn't it be great if she would even just come down and talk to me?" He went back to gathering the snails.
All of a sudden he looked up from collecting the last of the snails and the beautiful woman was right next to him. They started talking and time slipped away. Suddenly he realized he was late in getting the snails back to the dinner party. He grabbed his bucket, and ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He ran up the stairs of his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails. There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he's been all this time.
He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said, "Come on guys, we're almost there!!"
+++++++++++
Alice was to bake
a cake for the Baptist Church Ladies Group bake sale in Tuscaloosa, but she
forgot to do it until the last minute.
She remembered it the morning of the bake sale, and after rummaging through cabinets she found an angel food cake mix and quickly made it while drying her hair and dressing and helping her son Bryan pack up for Scout camp. But when Alice took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured. Oh dear, she said, there’s no time bake another cake.
This cake was so important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church and in her new community of new friends.
So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake. Alice found it in the bathroom: a fresh roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and then covered it up with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect!
Before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter Amanda and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened at 9:30 and to buy this cake and bring it home.
When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found that the attractive, perfect cake had already been sold! Amanda grabbed her cell phone and called her mother.
Alice was horrified. She was beside herself. Everyone would know! What would they think of her? She would be ostracized, talked about, ridiculed.
That night Alice was lying awake in bed thinking about people pointing their fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.
The next day Alice promised herself that she would try not to think about the cake and she would attend the fancy luncheon and try to have a good time there.
She did not really want to attend because the hostess was a real snob who more than once had looked down her nose at Alice because Alice was a single parent and not from one of the founding families of Tuscaloosa but having already RSVP’ed, she could not think of a believable excuse to stay away.
The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust Old South . . . .
To Alice’s horror, the cake in question was presented for dessert!
Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw it being brought in. She started out of her chair to rush to the hostess and tell her all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor’s wife said, “What a beautiful cake!”
Alice, who was still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the snooty hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, “Thank you, I baked it myself.”
Alice smiled and thought to herself, God is good.
She remembered it the morning of the bake sale, and after rummaging through cabinets she found an angel food cake mix and quickly made it while drying her hair and dressing and helping her son Bryan pack up for Scout camp. But when Alice took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured. Oh dear, she said, there’s no time bake another cake.
This cake was so important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church and in her new community of new friends.
So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake. Alice found it in the bathroom: a fresh roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and then covered it up with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect!
Before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter Amanda and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened at 9:30 and to buy this cake and bring it home.
When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found that the attractive, perfect cake had already been sold! Amanda grabbed her cell phone and called her mother.
Alice was horrified. She was beside herself. Everyone would know! What would they think of her? She would be ostracized, talked about, ridiculed.
That night Alice was lying awake in bed thinking about people pointing their fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.
The next day Alice promised herself that she would try not to think about the cake and she would attend the fancy luncheon and try to have a good time there.
She did not really want to attend because the hostess was a real snob who more than once had looked down her nose at Alice because Alice was a single parent and not from one of the founding families of Tuscaloosa but having already RSVP’ed, she could not think of a believable excuse to stay away.
The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust Old South . . . .
To Alice’s horror, the cake in question was presented for dessert!
Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw it being brought in. She started out of her chair to rush to the hostess and tell her all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor’s wife said, “What a beautiful cake!”
Alice, who was still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the snooty hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, “Thank you, I baked it myself.”
Alice smiled and thought to herself, God is good.
And finally a non-last
minute joke
A millennial received an
uncle’s beloved old hot rod in a will.
She tried to get it to start but although it would crank it would not
run. She took it to a mechanic and asked
him to fix it. When she returned the old hot rod was idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the
story?"
He replies, "Just
crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often
do I have to do that?"
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