Weak Shark JOW #1043

Every summer since 1988, the Discovery Channel puts on Shark Week.  Yes, it has been that long.  Sharks are a big hit with the viewer; you might even call them star fish.  The public loves them.  And, really, sharks are the ocean’s most misunderstood creatures. Anything with a smile that big, and lifeless beady little eyes can’t possibly mean any harm, right?  Just remember, you’ll never need a bigger boat if you don’t go to the ocean.  All this gave me a theme for my jokes of the week.

~~~~~

A shark, crocodile, and a giant spider walk into a bar.  There’s no punchline, it’s just a normal day in Australia.

^^^^^

Researchers saw a shark swimming by itself in the ocean.  They tried to lure it with some chum, but it did not seem interested and just swam away.
I guess it was that rare species: a low-interest lone shark.

>>>>> 

Upon eating a clownfish, one shark was heard to remark to a fellow shark, "This tastes funny."

<<<<< 

If you thought swimming with dolphins was expensive, you should try swimming with sharks.

It can cost you an arm and a leg!

Shark Riddles.

Q. What’s a shark’s favorite science fiction TV show?

A. Shark Trek

Q. What do you get when you cross a shark with a snowman?

A. Frostbite

Q: What kind of shark appears threatening but is actually ineffectual

A: A paper tiger shark.

Here is a West Side Story riddle. 

Q: Why do sharks live in the ocean and not the sky
A: The sky is Jet territory.

++++++++++

Little known fact: sharks will not eat an injured seal.  They know that you “Do not consume if seal is broken.”

^^^^^^

The other day a blonde was at the beach when she saw a guy in the sea flailing about and shouting "Help, shark! Help, shark!"

‘Silly man,” she said, ‘asking the shark for help; he should call the lifeguard instead.’

^^^^^^^

Once upon a time, a man named Pete was walking down the harbor when he saw two fishermen. He always wanted to go fishing so he goes up to them to ask.

Pete has a stutter though so he goes " h-he-hello guys would y-you you mind if i come f-f-fi-fishing with you?"
They look at each other and decide that "yes you can come, but be quiet, we don't want you to scare away the fish". So Pete gets in the boat and they go out into the sea.
All goes well, Pete is having fun, the fishermen are getting fish, it’s like a dream come true.
Suddenly behind them appears a huge ship, getting closer and closer.
The fishermen don't notice but Pete does and he goes "G-G-Guys"
"SHHHH you'll scare the fish away"
"B-B-BUT THERE'S A SH-SH-SH.."
"SHHHHHH Keep quiet"
The ship crashes onto them, they start sinking but the ship captain thankfully notices and saves them just in time
A few months go by.
Pete walks down the harbor again and sees the fishermen. He goes up to them and they have a small chat. He asks if they could take him into the sea again for another fishing trip and they agreed with one condition.
"If you see a ship TELL US FAST this time!"
So they go out into the sea again, time passes, fishes get caught, everyone is happy again.
But Pete suddenly goes
"G-G-GUYS A SH-SH-SH.."
The fishermen don't even wait for Pete to finish, in panic they jump into the water and start swimming.
Pete goes "SH-SHARKS YOU IDIOTS"

Finally a sort-of sea story:

A disheveled man with a tiny little head walks into a bar.

After a few drinks he starts to relax, so the curious bartender feels comfortable enough to inquire about the man's tiny noggin.
"Sorry to be intrusive, but how did you end up with such a tiny head?" Asks the bartender.
The man replies: "I was the captain vessel cruising the Pacific when my ship took on water. We sunk in mere minutes. After a long night bobbing in shark infested waters, I washed up on the shore of an uninhabited island."
"After six months of surviving on coconuts and mussels, I started to wish that I had died with the rest of my crew. Just then, I saw a beautiful woman sun-bathing on the beach."
"Help! I cried out to her, only for her to roll down the beach and into the surf. To my surprise, she started swimming in my direction. Upon her arrival, I was shocked to see she was an actual mermaid!"
"A magical mermaid, in fact. She said she could grant me three wishes. My first wish was for a new boat so I could sail home, and *POOF!* new boat. My second wish was for 10 million dollars, and *POOF!* my pockets were bursting with cash."
"After two granted wishes, I had all I could ever need. I figured I'd have some fun with my last wish. I had been lonely and sex deprived for months, so I asked to have sex with the mermaid."
"The mermaid told me that sex with her would be impossible, as she is all fish parts from the waist down."
"Disappointed, I asked the mermaid: Can I get a little head?"
*POOF!*