I thought I would use the organization People
for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, PETA, as my theme this week. Make no mistake, I believe in treating animals
well, but PETA makes an easy target with their extreme positions and
self-righteous posturing. No, eating
animals is not murder. My thought is
that if God didn’t want us to eat animals he wouldn’t have made them out of
meat. And did you ever notice that PETA
protests against skinny models in furs but not bikers in leather jackets?
My friend Dante was a big PETA supporter, but
suddenly stopped his support for them.
Dante’s in fur now.
What do you get when you combine flour, water,
sugar, salt, yeast, and animal abuse?
PETA bread.
What do you call an animal rights' activist
that never grows old?
PETA Pan
How many PETA activists does it take to change
a light bulb?
None.
PETA can’t change anything.
I
baked some Animal Crackers out of PETA bread.
You are not fun to play golf with when I shoot
a birdie and crack a cold one, and you call PETA.
Scientists have recently come under criticism
from PETA for using rats in research. Rats were used in earlier days of
research because people didn't really care that rats suffered. PETA is now
trying to convince science to use the politicians instead.
A baby seal walks into a bar.
Bartender: What can I get ya?
Baby seal: Anything but a Canadian Club.
I like to reuse vegetables. I call them re-vegs. I serve them right out of the refrigerator
because re-veg is a dish best served cold.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A PETA activist visits a small ranch in
Montana
After meeting the farmhands and inspecting the
facilities, the activist asks the rancher:
“So, what do you give to the pigs to eat?”
“Well, pigs don’t need much to live. I give
them scraps and food from the fridge that is almost spoilt, that sort of
thing.”
“That’s a grave violation of animal rights.
You are abusing those poor animals. I’m filing a complaint so you will be fined!”
After some weeks a UN ambassador visits the
ranch. After checking the facilities and meeting the farmhands, the man asks
the rancher:
“What do you feed the pigs?”
This time, the rancher is better prepared:
“The best food around here, eggs, fresh vegetables,
whole milk…”
“What! Such a waste of food! There are
children in this very country that suffer from hunger while you give full meals
to pigs! I’m reporting on you so you will be fined!”
A month passes and a man visits the ranch.
After visiting the facilities and greeting the
farmhands he asks the rancher:
“What kind of food do you give to the pigs?”
“Look here, man, every morning I give each one
$5 and they can go and eat whatever they want.”
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
The little boy moved from Texas to
California. He immediately got into
trouble when his teacher asked him what his favorite animal was.
“Fried chicken.” Everybody in class laughed except the
teacher. She tried to explain that
people needed to treat animals ethically.
“So what is your favorite live animal?”
“Chickens.”
“Why?”
“Because you can make them into fried
chicken.”
That got the little boy sent to the office.
The principle explained to the boy that his teach was a member of PETA and did
not like people eating meat. The little
boy promised not to agitate his teacher any more.
The next day the teacher asked the little boy
who was the person he admired most.
“Colonel Sanders.”
Some off-topic jokes
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes. Now I have Heinzsight.
`````
What’s the best way to cook an alligator? In a croc pot.
=====
I was at the monastery when I saw a man frying
chips.
I asked him, “Are you the friar?”
“NO,” he replied, “I am the chip monk.”
^^^^^^
Two hunters pull up to a house to ask a farmer
for permission to hunt his land.
When they pull up, one of the hunters walks up
to the house and talks to the farmer.
After the hunter asks the question, the farmer
says, “I don’t mind at all, but I have a favor to ask of you”
“What do you need?” inquires the hunter.
“You see that old bull over in the pasture?”
the farmer says, “Well he’s an ornery sumbitch and he’s beyond breeding age and
I’ve been meaning to put him down, but I just don’t have the heart to do it.
So I’ll tell you what; you take care of him on your way out and you can
hunt on my land for as long as I live.”
The hunter agrees, and walks back to the truck,
but decides on the way to play a little trick on his friend.
As he opens the truck door he says with a
growl, “That no good old bastard said no, and on top of that he cussed me out
for asking”.
“Well that sucks…” says his friend.
“No! You know what? I’m gonna show him!” He
says taking up his rifle.
His friend looks over at him with a shocked
and questioning expression.
“I’m gonna shoot one of his cows!
That’ll show him”, he says and raised his rifle with a grin. He
sights in the bull and as he pulls the trigger he hears a second report seconds
after his own. He quickly looks over to his friend who is also
shouldering a rifle.
His friend shouts “I got one too! Let’s get
the hell out of here!”
And finally
To the surprise and relief of many Americans,
the Washington Redskins will apparently drop their politically
sensitive name in 2019.
Dan Snyder, owner of the NFL
Washington Redskins, announced yesterday the organization
is dropping "Washington" from the franchise name, which, beginning
with the 2019 pre-season, will be simply known as "The Redskins".
Snyder stated in his surprise announcement (he finds) the word "Washington"
imparts a negative image of poor leadership, mismanagement, corruption,
cheating, lying, and graft, and does not conjure up a suitable image
for young fans of football.
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