SJW JOW #1051

 

My theme this week is Social Justice Warriors; they are very visible these days.  Like any group that takes itself too seriously, they are easy targets for jokes.  I am not saying that Social Justice Warriors are humorless - they just want a world in which chickens can cross the road without their intentions being questioned.  But before I start my themed jokes here is one quick topical quote.

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What is the difference between Las Vegas and Wuhan? 

What happens in Las Vegas stays in Las Vegas.

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What do you call a progressive who is afraid of Covid 19?

A Social Distance Warrior

 

Why do social justice warriors hate dentists?

Because they make teeth straight and white.

 

I caught a bunch of social justice warriors in my yard digging up large wooden stakes

They said the posts had to be removed before they caused a fence.

 

Why are people in I.T. the worst kind of social justice warriors?

They are always asking you to check your privileges.

 

Social Justice Warriors Favorite Sandwich:

The LGBT - Lettuce, Guacamole, Bacon and Tomato

 

Did you hear about the insomniac social justice activist?

He was woke all the time.

 

What do you call a werewolf who has taken an interest in social justice?

Awarewolf

 

Heard at a job interview:

“According to your resume you identify yourself as a ‘Social Justice Warrior’.”

The tone of your voice indicates you are against me and that means you are making common cause with racists.”

“If I hired you would you stop saying crazy stuff like that?”

“Censorship!”

 

SJW logic:

Doctor -:I’m sorry to tell you that you have cancer.”

SJW – “Do YOU have cancer?”

Doctor – “No”

SJW – “Then you aren’t qualified to tell me I have cancer.”

 

Enough with the Social Justice Warriors.  Here are some other jokes.

 

A cowboy challenges a renowned Native American warrior to a bear hunt.

The native guy accepts, so they pack up their tools. The cowboy takes a two revolvers, three rifles and a bunch of knifes just in case. The native? Only one bow and just TWO arrows.
The cowboy is perplexed.
Cowboy: "Are you sure two arrows are all you need?"
Native American: "yup"
Cowboy: "Confident, I like it. But why two arrows, though? A spare in case you miss?"
Native American: "sometimes there are two bears".

^^^^^^^^^^

An American Indian man goes into town...

He walks in to the local administration building and enquirers about having a name change.
He is pointed to the right clerk, who ask him what his given name is.
The young warrior says:
"Among my people, I am called Very fast arrow that overtakes wind and is quicker than lightening that flies over the hill to hit a deer in mid jump over the stream."
"I see," says the clerk, "that is an unusually long name.  What would you like to be called now?"
"Whoosh"

>>>>>>> 

Guys, we need to stop testing our products on animals.

Why?  Shampoo companies do it all the time.

Yeah, but we make hammers.

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Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.

 

Some random thoughts

·         Age 70 might be the new 40, but 9:00 is new midnight.

·         Why is Mathematics the saddest field of study?  It just has so many problems.

·         What is the one-legged waiter’s favorite restaurant?  IHOP.

·         My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.

 

A few things about pronunciations that bother me

Is the ‘s’ or ‘c’ in ‘scent’ silent?

Why are Zoey and Zoe pronounced the same but Joey and Joe aren’t?

The word ‘queue’ is apparently the letter Q followed by four silent letters.

Why is the letter ‘w’ pronounced ‘double u’ when it is clearly a ‘double v’?

Why does ‘fridge’ have a d in it but refrigerator doesn’t?

And why are Kansas and Arkansas pronounced so differently?

And what about the wide variability in pronouncing words that end with ‘ough’.  Think about it, bough, rough, dough, through, though….

 

The Birds and the Bees
A father asks his 10-year-old son if he knows about the Birds and the Bees?
"I don't want to know!" the child says, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me!"
Confused, the father asks what's wrong.
"Oh, dad," the boy sobs. "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Santa speech."
At seven, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no tooth Fairy' speech.
If you're going to tell me that grownups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for."

 

And finally some ethnic humor.

Some American Jewish tourists were on a trip to China.  They were delighted to find out there has been a Jewish community in China for many years, so they decided to attend the weekly service.  They were surprised to see that the congregants were all Asian.  After the service, the locals took an interest in the guests and asked what brought them to the synagogue. 

The tourists said because they share the same religion. 

A local said “Funny, you don’t look Jewish”.