Medicareless JOW #1060

December 7 is an important date for older Americans.  It is the last day for Medicare selection.  This means add for Medicare supplement plans will stop; we no longer get to see Joe Namath touting Medicare supplement companies and the amount of junk mail and robo calls should diminish - finally.  But all this got me thinking about health care for senior and older people in general.  Here are some jokes on those subjects.

 

You millennials and your obsession with public healthcare....Back in my day we just died.

 

Dark humor is like free healthcare - not everybody gets it.

 

Public healthcare is so bad I can't even afford Dr. Pepper.

 

Have you guys heard about the thieves stealing tires of healthcare workers cars?

Healthcare workers are now working tirelessly.

 

Medicare part C provides care for the headaches caused by parts A, B, C, and D.

 

American healthcare costs are out of a control: a simple double amputation costs an arm and a leg!

 

I asked my wife to dress up as a nurse tonight to fulfill my fantasy that we have healthcare

 

Why did the elderly chicken cross the road?  He had a reason, but is no longer sure what it was.

 

If you can't afford to pay taxes, the government will give you free food, housing, and healthcare.

If you refuse to pay taxes, the government will give you free food, housing, and healthcare.

They'll even throw in an orange jumpsuit.

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The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.'
'Mrs. Sanders, please.'
'Speaking.'
'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.'
'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.
'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which.'
'That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?' questioned Mrs. Sanders.
'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.'
'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'
'The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'

 

The seven Dwarves or old age:

Nappy

Wrinkly

Squinty

Rocky

Saggy

Leaky

And Farty

 

A story from the future

I encountered a time traveler today. During my self-isolation he came to the door dressed in a hazmat suit. I was of course alarmed when I opened the door to such a site. He quickly explained who he was and asked if he could have just a few minutes of my time. I didn't believe anything he was saying but I figured the risk of transmission was low due to his protective gear and frankly, I was ready for some human interaction, even from a potential crazy person, so I let him in.
He sat down and said he wanted to tell me some things about the future because if this knowledge was entrusted to me, I could be trusted to use it for good. Over the next few minutes he told me about many things but I was left with many questions. He said I could ask a few, so I did.
I asked about climate change. He assured me that after 2035, nations got serious and the problem has been all but solved.
I asked about Covid-19. He assured me it would be a blip on the radar of human history and nobody worries about pandemics anymore.
I asked about massive economic turmoil we are in. He said despite the borrowing and deficits of earlier times, those debts are now repaid. The United States has never been a better more united society. Everyone has free healthcare.
I was so happy to hear all this. I asked about inflation and how much it costs for a gallon of water, or a loaf of bread or a cup of coffee. He chuckled and said I didn't need to worry about such trivial things. In the year 2045, it was possible to still get coffee at Starbucks in America for under 150 Yuan.

 

And finally something completely off topic

Once upon a time, far away in the ancient land of Persia, the ruler of the country was called the Shah and his wife was known as the Shahnee.
Get sick now while Medicare is still affordable

And it came to pass, in the fullness of time, that the Shahnee gave birth to a son, and this son, being the heir to the Peacock Throne was given the title of Shan.
It soon transpired that all was not well with the young Shan and wise men were summoned from all over the kingdom to the palace. They examined the Shan carefully; then they instructed the scribes to write out enormous bills,; then they informed the Shah and the Shahnee that their son, the Shan, heir to the Peacock Throne, was epileptic.
Now in those days there was no Medicare or super-efficient public or private hospital system such as we enjoy in Australia today; there was not much that could be done about his condition.
So the wise men got together, got their scribes to write out some more enormous bills and recommended to the Shah that he appoint some special bodyguards to take care of the Shan and watch over him all the time.
And it was so. Everywhere the little Shan went, the bodyguard went, too, watching over him and taking care of him.
For a while, all was well, but then, one day, when many months had passed without any untoward incident, the bodyguard grew complacent. The time came when he left the Shan alone while he indulged in amorous dalliance with one of the ladies of the court.
And of course, it was at this time that the young Shan had an epileptic seizure and, being unattended injured himself.
Great was the commotion in the Palace and the Shah waxed wroth. Summoning the bodyguard into his presence he angrily demanded, "Where were you when the fit hit the Shan?"