I am going to leave the topics of Covid 19 and 2020 alone for a long time. I think we have heard enough from those two topics. Instead I will shift to the gender wars. I will start out with some quotes about men and women. I am uncertain about the attribution of these quotes, but they are true – well, mostly.
"There are a number of mechanical devices which
increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the
Mercedes-Benz SL500."
Frank Sinatra
"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting
married."
George Burns
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
Jack Nicholson
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives,
but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
Barbara Bush
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals
through his wallet."
Robin Williams
"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable
undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women.
They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just
grateful."
Robert De Niro
"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men
are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe
swelling. So what's the problem?"
Dustin Hoffman
"There's very little advice in men's magazines,
because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked!"
Jerry Seinfeld
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis and only
enough blood to run one at a time."
Robin Williams
"It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up
whom. "
Joan Rivers
Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can
buy.
Steve Martin
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little
things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good
money for later in life.
Bob Hope
"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
Oscar Wilde
Women are crazy.
Men are stupid. The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
George Carlin
Shifting gears, here are a few observations on the
subject
Few women admit their age.
Few men act their age.
``````
Men socialize by insulting one another but they don’t
really mean it.
Women socialize by complimenting one another, but they
don’t really mean it either.
``````
Men are like Bluetooth:
He is connected to you when you are nearby but searches for other
devices when you are away.
Women are like Wi-Fi: She sees all available devices but
connects to the strongest one.
>>>>>>>
Women have to deal with menstruation, pregnancy,
childbirth, breastfeeding, menopause, hot flashes, etc.
Men have to deal with women.
I call it a tie.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Behind every angry woman is a man who has absolutely no
idea what he did wrong.
I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say “Wow” that
many times in your first session, but here we are.
Therapist: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true?
Him. To be honest,
I didn’t even know she sold flowers.
She asked him to take her to a place where they make the
food right in front of you. So he took
her to a Subway.
****
My wife sent me a text that read ‘Your great.’
So, naturally I sent back ‘No, you’re great.’
She has been happy all day. Should I tell her I was correcting her
grammar or just leave it?
======
From the highway patrolman giving a speeding ticket to a
woman:
"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets?
You're right, we don't. Sign here."
++++++
One big difference between men and women is that if a
woman says, ‘smell this’ it usually smells nice.
>>>>>>>>
Everyone says the world would be better off if it was run
by women. Sure, maybe there wouldn't be violence and territorial conquests
fueled by male testosterone. But instead, we'd have a bunch of jealous
countries that aren't talking to each other.
<<<<<
An English professor wrote the words, "woman without
her man is lost" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate
it correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is lost."
The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is lost."
^^^^^^^^^
WIFE: "There is trouble with that classic old car of
yours. It has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous "
WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?
WIFE: "In the pool".
++++++
This is a frightening statistic, probably one of the most worrisome in recent
years. 25% of the women in this country
are on medication for mental illness.
That's scary. It means 75% are running around untreated.
----
Husband and wife had a tiff. Wife called up her mom and said, "We fought again,
I am coming to live with you."
Mom said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live
with you.
Today's short reading from the bible
From Genesis: "And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth."
Then he made the earth round; and He laughed and laughed.
Another old biblical joke – one of my favorites
Adam was talking to God one day, and asked, "Why did
you make Eve so pretty?"
God replied, "So you would love her."
Adam then asked, "why did you make her such a good
cook?"
God replied, "So that you would love
her." Adam asked, "Why does she have such a heavenly
smile?"
God said, "So you would love her."
Finally, Adam asked, "Why did you make her so stupid?"
God replied, "So that she would love you."
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