My physics classes let me know I would never understand Physics. To this day I think physics is branch of science concerned with using extremely long and complicated formulas to describe how a ball rolls.
I did learn a couple of things in physics:
·
A responsible adult
says ‘No” to non-Euclidian space.
·
Matter can be neither
created nor destroyed. Nor can it be
returned without a receipt.
Here are some jokes about
physics and physicists.
A beginner’s guide to
physics
Relativity: When the
family gets together
Black holes: What you get
in black socks
Critical mass: A big group
of film reviewers
Hyperspace: Where you park
at the superstore
>>>>
Two Theoretical Physicists
are lost in the mountains
Theoretical physicist
No 1 pulls out a map and peruses it for a while. Then he turns to
theoretical physicist No 2 and says: "Hey, I've figured it out. I know
where we are."
"Where are we then?"
"Do you see that mountain over there?"
"Yes."
"Well… THAT'S where we are."
<<<<
There are a lot of jokes
about Schrodinger and his thought experiment about a cat that might or might not be
dead in an unobserved box.
All those Schrodinger’s
Cat jokes have died out….. or have they?
Veterinarian: “Dr. Schrodinger, I have good
news and bad news about your cat.”
Then there is Heisenberg
and his theory of uncertainty.
When Was Heisenberg Born?
Oh, that's very uncertain.
A cop stopped Heisenberg
and asked him, “Do you know how fast you were going?”
He replied, “No, but I
know where I am.”
Or the freshman who asked,
“Is this the Heisenberg Department of Physics?”
“Probably.”
Einstein Developed A
Theory About Space.
About time too!
^^^^^^
You enter the high school lab
and see an experiment. How will you know which class is it?
·
If it’s green and
wiggles, it’s biology.
·
If it stinks,
it’s chemistry.
·
If it doesn’t
work, it’s physics.
Be careful asking
scientist why did the chicken cross the road?
Aristotle: It is the
nature of chickens to cross roads.
Isaac Newton: Chickens at
rest tend to stay at rest, chickens in motion tend to cross roads.
Albert Einstein: Whether
the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends on
your frame of reference.
Werner Heisenberg: We are
not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very
fast.
Wolfgang Pauli: There
already was a chicken on this side of the road.
Physicist riddles
How Many Physicists Does
It Take To Change A Lightbulb?
Eleven. One to do it
and ten to co-author the paper.
What did the English
nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips
Why Did The Chicken Cross
The Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
What do you call the group
of physicists who name the tiny things inside the atom?
A Particle Board.
Why did Erwin Schrödinger,
Paul Dirac and Wolfgang Pauli work in a really small garage?
Because they were quantum
mechanics.
Different scientific
disciplines do things differently.
How to calculate the
volume of a cat:
Engineer: Submerge the cat
in a take of water and measure the rise of the water level.
Mathematician: Calculate
the volume integral over its full body.
Physicist: Suppose the cat
is spherical.
~~~~~~
A physicist, a biologist,
and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time. The physicist saw the
ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on
the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. He drowned and was
swept out to sea.
The biologist said he
wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked inside
the ocean. He, too, never returned.
The chemist waited for a
long time and afterwards, wrote the observation, “The physicist and the
biologist are soluble in ocean water.”
````````````
A biologist, an engineer,
and a mathematician were observing an empty building. They noted two people
entering the building and sometime later observed three coming out.
The biologist remarked,
“Oh, they must have reproduced.”
The engineer said, “Our
initial count must have been incorrect.”
The mathematician stated,
“Now if one more person goes into the building, it will be completely empty.”
<<<<<<<
Fun scientific fact – you can
tell the gender of an ant by throwing it in water.
If it sinks, it’s a girl
ant.
If it floats, it’s buoyant.
And finally, my
off-topic joke
A lady was expecting the
plumber. He was scheduled to come at 10 A.M. Ten o’clock came and went with no
plumber. She concluded he wasn’t coming, and went out to do some errands. While
she was out, the plumber arrived. He knocked on the door; the lady’s parrot,
who was at home in a cage by the door, said, “Who is it?”
He replied, “It’s the
plumber.”
He thought it was the lady
who’d said, “Who is it?” and waited for her to come and let him in.
When this didn’t happen he
knocked again, and again the parrot said, “Who is it?”
He said, “It’s the
plumber!” He waited, and again the lady didn’t come to let him in.
He knocked again, and
again the parrot said, “Who is it?”
He said, “It’s the
plumber!” Again he waited and again she didn’t come. He knocked again and the
parrot said, “Who is it?”
The plumber screamed, flew
into a rage, and ripped the door off its hinges. He suffered a heart attack and
fell dead in the doorway. The lady came home from her errands, only to see the
door ripped off its hinges and a corpse lying in the doorway. “A dead body!”
she exclaimed. “Who is it?”
The parrot said, “It’s the
plumber.”
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