Fourth Place JOW #1089

 I enjoyed the Fourth of July festivities this year.  Here are a few interesting factoids about that holiday:

The 4th of July was not declared a national holiday until 1941.

When the United States became a country in 1776, there were approximately 2.5 million people living in the country.

The youngest signer of the Declaration of Independence was 26-year-old Edward Rutledge. The oldest signer was Benjamin Franklin. He was 70. Most of the signers were in their 30s and 40s.

I hope that all of you had a wonderful Fourth and you are amused by my Fourth of July jokes.

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How was the food at the Fourth of July picnic?
The hot dogs were bad, but the brats were the wurst!

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What do you get when you cross Captain America with the Incredible Hulk? The Star-Spangled Banner.

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I never understand why people say that the United States is the most patriotic country in the world

In Russia they manage to get out and vote even after committing suicide!

^^^^^

I wanted to buy a patriotic decoration on my trip to China... but I worried the US customs officer would see it as a red flag.

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Why are there no knock knock jokes about America?

Because freedom rings.

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What is red, white, blue, and green?

A seasick Uncle Sam.

“”””

What’s the difference between a duck and George Washington? One has a bill on his face, the other, his face on a bill.

^^^^

There's a goose spreading out misinformation!

He's a proper gander

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Father William, the old priest, made it a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names. Father William jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states.

One lad raised his hand and said, “Yes sir, but in those days there weren’t very many states.”

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An American spy is drinking in a Russian bar.

He is hoping for a politician to come and get drunk, so that he can steal secret Russian intel.
All of a sudden, a Russian man walks up to him and says: "You! It is clear that you are a Western spy!"
The spy keeps his cool, he was trained for this. He speaks to the man in perfect Russian: "Me? How could you say such a thing? I am one of the proudest, most patriotic Russian citizens! Could a spy do this?"
The spy proceeds to sing the Russian national anthem in a beautiful voice, everyone in the bar claps when the spy is done.
The Russian man responds: "Very good, very good. But you are still a Western spy.
The spy responds: "Oh really? To prove I'm indeed a Russian citizen, I will describe every part of Russia's history!"
The spy proceeds to list off every war, every battle, with impeccable detail, too.
The Russian man tells him: "Impressive, you are clearly very smart. But you are still a Western spy!"
The spy then yells: "That's it! To prove to you once and for all that I am indeed Russian, I challenge YOU to a vodka drinking contest!"
The Russian man agrees, they start drinking and everyone in the bar is cheering for them. After hours of drinking, the Russian man cannot take it anymore, the spy won.
The Russian man, completely drunk now, tells the spy: "Very, very impressive, but you are still a Western spy!"
The spy breaks down, he can't take it anymore: "FINE! I am indeed an American spy! But please, tell me, how could you tell?"
The Russian man looks the spy in the eye and tells him: "You see, here in Russia, we don't have that many Black people."

From Tor

Yesterday I tried donating blood. I'll never do that again.  Too many stupid, intrusive questions, like…

Who's blood is it?

Where did it come from?

Why is it in a bucket?

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Three kids ask their mom about their unusual names.

The first kid asks, “Why am I named Kitchen?”

His mom says, Well sweetie, when you were born the car wouldn’t start and we couldn't get to the hospital, so you were born on the kitchen table.
The second kid asks, “Why am I named Ford?”

Her mom says, Well honey, when *you* were born, we got stuck in traffic on the way to the hospital, and you were born in the backseat of the car.
The third kid says,

“That's neat. But mom, why am I the only one with a normal name?”
His mom just says, “I wouldn't worry about it too much, John.”

And finally a story from China

A little boy in Wuhan finds a bottle...

He rubs it and a genie pops out. “I will give you two wishes as a reward for freeing me,” says the genie. The boy thinks for a second and, as he’s very patriotic, decided on his first wish. “I wish everyone in the world knew about Wuhan!” he declares.

“Very well,” says the genie. “And your second wish?”

The boy thinks again and decides he would like something a little more selfish. “I wish that kids wouldn’t have to go back to school for a whole year!”