It is summer – time for vacation or,
as I put it, a tour of my relative’s guest rooms. This past trip we went to the cool high air
of Estes Park. We had a wonderful
vacation. Now that we are home I thought
it would be appropriate to do some jokes on vacations and travel. I hope you enjoy them.
```````
I'll never forget on the last morning of
vacation when the front desk dialed our room.
That was a real wake-up call.
‘’’’
I am thinking about opening a dungeons and
dragons themed vacation rental...
I’m going to call it Air D&D
~~~~`
“Hey boss, can I get a few weeks of vacation time during Christmas?”
“It’s May.”
“ Fine. May I get a few weeks of vacation time during Christmas?”
<<<<<
I bought my wife a world map and gave her a
dart. I told her to throw it and wherever it lands, we will go on vacation. Turns out we are spending two weeks behind
the fridge.
>>>>>>
A vulture and his wife are going on vacation
to the Bahamas.
With many large suitcases packed, they arrive
at the airport and saunter up to the check-in counter. The agent weighs, tags,
and sends each bag off, until she notices one giving off a foul smell.
"Sir, are you checking this bag?" The agent asks.
"No, sorry, that's our carrion"
--------------
I went on a ‘once-in-a-lifetime’ vacation.
Never again.
Stupid Vacation Riddles
·
What's the opposite of a dirty
destination? A clean getaway.
·
Where does a ghost go on
vacation? Mali- Boo~
·
Where do math teachers go on vacation?
To Times Square.
·
Where do crayons go on vacation?
Color-ado!
·
Where does a cow stay when it is on
vacation? A moo-tel!
·
Where do pepperonis go on vacation?
The Leaning Tower of Pizza.
·
Why did the pirate go on vacation? He
needed some AARRRRGGH and AARRRRGGH!
·
Where do sheep go on vacation? To the Baaaaaahamas.
·
Where do sharks go on holiday?
Finland.
·
Where do eggs go on holiday? New Yolk
City.
·
Where do bees stay while on vacation? Air Bee and Bee
============
A man on Vacation in Vietnam asks for
directions to the best restaurant in town.
So he walks up to some random Vietnamese guy
and asks him, "Where do I go for the best food in town?"
The Vietnamese man, deciding to play a joke on the foreigner, says,
"There's this great restaurant down the road and the first restaurant past
your left. It's called the Pho King. He's even so popular they named the
street after him, you've gotta check it out."
So, the man, not realizing he was messing with him, searches, but to no avail.
He eventually goes all around town looking for this street, before he finally
realizes, "There's No Pho King Way."
++++++++++++
A man saves up for years to take his dream
vacation to a small island in the South Pacific. When he finally gets there,
the sound of drums fills the air, thumpa thumpa thumpata thumpata. The man asks
the porter carrying his bags, "What's up with the drums? Is it a festival
or something?"
The porter gets a serious look on his face and
says, "If the drums stop, it will be very bad, very bad,"
The man looks at the clerk and asks, “Well,
what would be so bad? What will happen when the drum stop?"
The porter get a pained look, leans close and whispers, "When the drums
stop, then comes the bass solo!"
~~~~~~
Delta Airlines is infusing its cabins
with a lavender-and-chamomile scent called Calm. Here are some names that match
up better with “the ambience of the packed economy cabin.”
·
“Eau the Humanity”
·
“Giorgio’s Arm-on-me”
·
“Chanel No. 5 Inches of Legroom”
·
“Claustrophobique”
·
“Mist Connection“
· “The 99 Per-scent”
Finally
Two Priests decided to go to Miami Beach
on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing
anything that would identify them as priests......As soon as the plane landed
they headed for a store and bought some shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses,
etc. The next morning they went to the
beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb.
They were sitting on the beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and
the scenery when a *drop-dead gorgeous blonde* in a bikini came swaying past
them.
They couldn't help but stare. As the blonde passed them she smiled and said 'Good
morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father,' nodding and addressing each of them
individually, then she passed on by.
They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests?
So the next day, they went back to the store and bought outrageous outfits.
These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them!
Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the
sunshine.
After a little while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a different bright
bikini, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them.
Again she nodded at each of them, said: 'Good morning, Father ~ Good morning,
Father,' and started to walk away.
One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, 'Just a minute, young
lady.'
'Yes, Father?'
'We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world do you
know we are priests, dressed as we are?'
She replied, “Father, it's me, Sister Philomena.”
Postscript:
(Probably the worst thing you can hear when you’re wearing a bikini is
“Good for you!”)
No comments:
Post a Comment