We are in the Dog Days again. The term “Dog Days” traditionally refers to a period of particularly hot and humid weather occurring during the summer months of July and August. This period of sweltering weather coincides with the year’s morning rising of Sirius, the Dog Star. Interestingly, totally separate ancient cultures with no apparent communication have related the brilliant Sirius with either a wolf or a dog. This does not, however, have any link to the American term, ‘hot dog’. However, every year at this miserable time I devote one of my JOWs to our canine companions. I hope you like them.
I told my dog a joke about
fetching a stick
And he didn’t get it…
I threw a ball for my
dog...
It was a bit extravagant I
know, but it was his birthday and he looks great in a dinner jacket.
Why do dogs always race to
the door when the doorbell rings? It’s hardly ever for them.
Dog riddles
Q. How do dog catchers get
paid? A. By the pound!
Q: What kind of dog chases
anything red? A: A Bulldog.
Q: How are a dog and a marine biologist alike? A: One wags a tail and the other
tags a whale.
Q: What do you get when
you cross a race dog with a bumble bee? A: A Greyhound Buzz.
Q: What do dogs do after
they finish obedience school?
A: They get their masters.
======
"Have you seen the
dog bowl?"
"No. Is he any
good?"
+++++
"For sale: Eight
puppies from a German shepherd and an Alaskan hussy."
-------
"What are your dog’s
names?"
"Calvin and
Klein"
"Like the underwear?"
"They are boxers."
“”””
A sign said, “Do not allow
your dog to chase, injure, or worry wildlife.” How is a dog going to “worry”
wildlife? Run up to a bird and say: “Hey, is that a lump on you? It could be a tumor.”
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Before the dog trainer met
with a new client, she had him fill out a questionnaire. One question asked,
“Why did you choose this breed?”
The client responded, “I
often ask myself this very same question.”
A couple of first
person dog jokes
An old, tired-looking dog
wandered into the yard. I could tell from
his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.
He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch. An
hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.
The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an
hour. This continued for several days. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar:
"Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap."
The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He
lives in a home with four young children -- he's trying to catch up on his
sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?"
```````
I sat down in a movie
theater and noticed that the man in front of me had brought his dog and it was
sitting in the seat next to him.
The movie starts and
pretty soon there's a funny part. The dog makes some low woofing sounds that
seem like laughter. In a little while there's a sad part and the dog appears to
be weeping. This continues throughout the film. I was astounded.
When the lights come up I tap the dog's owner on the shoulder and tell him,
"I gotta say, and I know it sounds weird, but it seemed like your dog
really enjoyed this movie."
The dog owner looks at the dog and nods. "I know, it really is
weird," he says, "because he absolutely hated the book."
<<<<<<
A man comes home and finds
his dog holding his neighbor’s pet rabbit’s lifeless body
Realizing what has
happened and fearing his neighbor’s ire, he quickly retrieves the rabbit,
washes it and places it back in its cage, hoping his neighbor thinks it died of
natural causes.
The following day his neighbor asks him if he knows what happened to Fluffy.
“Er.. Um.. of course
not... what happened?”, he replied.
His neighbor explained,
“We just found him dead one day. The weird thing is, after we buried him,
someone dug him out of his grave, washed him and placed him back in his cage.
There are some sick people out there.”
Please forgive me for
the following jokes. Let’s consider this a trigger warning.
My girlfriend's dog died
so I got her an identical one
She got even more upset
and shouted at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
Studies show that atheists
are more likely to own dogs than Christians.
Because owning Christians
isn't legal, obviously.
I can’t take my dog to the
park as all the ducks keep trying to bite him...
My fault for getting one
that’s pure bread.
At the subway station I
saw a homeless man sitting on the floor with a three legged dog next to a sign
that read: “Help, I’m starving.”
He can’t be that hungry,
he hasn’t even finished his dog.
And finally, a ‘joke’
about cats.
A wife asks her husband to
buy a guard dog for their house.
The husband goes to the
pet store and asks the clerk for a guard dog.
"I'm sorry," says the clerk. "We're all out of guard dogs. But
we do have a guard cat."
"A guard cat?" says the confused husband.
"Yes," replies the clerk. "Allow me to explain." He puts a
carpet on the floor and says, "Guard cat, the carpet!"
Suddenly, a cat jumps out of a pen and tears the carpet to shreds.
The clerk points outside and says, "Guard cat, the dead tree!"
The cat runs outside and reduces a large, leafless tree standing next to the
sidewalk to a pile of sawdust. Convinced, the husband pays the clerk and goes
home with the cat.
"Hey!" says the wife when she sees the cat. "I asked you to buy
a guard dog!"
"This is a guard cat," explains the husband. "They were out of
guard dogs."
"Yea, right," says the wife, rolling her eyes. "Guard cat, my
ass."
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