Doggone sad JOW #1095

Dogs bring a lot into our lives: honesty, loyalty, and unalloyed joy at our every return.  It has been said that every boy needs a dog growing up - to teach him responsibility, loyalty, and to turn around three times before laying down to sleep.  Dogs also bring mortality into our families.  Oliver Wendell Holmes a black standard poodle, came into our lives at the early age of four weeks in June, 2012 to begin training as Ruth’s service dog.  He helped Ruth through some difficult times both here and in the Rio Grande Valley as Ruth went through her degree program to become a Physician’s Assistant.  And of course, he was an integral part of our family. Oliver helped others as well, providing pain management and support in the hospital for our friend Robert, and most recently helping Robert manage his life as a quadriplegic.  But Oliver, normally the most active and engaging of dogs became lethargic and stopped eating, began to waste away, and was in obvious pain.  Last night we took him to the vet and confirmed what we had feared: Oliver had terminal cancer.  We chose to have him painlessly euthanized without a long, drawn-out struggle.  Sometimes we treat our pets better than we do our people.  We miss Oliver terribly and are grieving for him.  Grief is the price you pay for love.

But humor is a good antidote.  They say there are five stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.  I say there are two more stages: Saturday and Sunday.  You just put your head down and keep on going. 

So here are some jokes about loss and grief.

^^^^^^

My therapist wanted to tell me about the 5 stages of grief. I said...

But nothing bad has happened! How DARE you imply that it has? I'm only paying half for this session. Now I’m really bummed out... Okay, tell me about it.

`````````````

My friend told me "The first stage is grief"

"Isn't it denial?" I replied.
"No, not for me it isn’t."

<<<<<<< 

What is the first stage of grief for an Egyptian?

De Nile.

>>>>>> 

The Charlie Brown Foundation is now accepting donations.

All proceeds go towards Good Grief counsellors.

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A man walks into a funeral and asks the widow if he can say a word.

The widow nods.
The man says "Plethora"
The Widow says "Thanks, that means a lot"

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My grief counsellor died the other day

He was so good at his job, I don't even care.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The husband of the woman next door died. After the funeral, the widow shut herself inside the house for most of the day. The only time the widow would leave her home was at the crack of dawn, where she would stand outside and wail loudly in her yard until noon, before quickly retreating into her home.
The neighbors next door politely ignored her crying, trying their best to respect her grieving. However, their seven year old son was perplexed by her behavior.
One day, while waiting for the bus, the boy saw the widow doing her usual wailing. Overcome with curiosity, he walked over to her and tugged on her sleeve.
"Why do you only cry early in the day?"
"I guess I'm just a mourning person."

 

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A bachelor named Steve who lived at home with his mother and pet cat went on a trip to Europe. Before he left, he told his best friend to inform him of any emergencies. A few days after his departure, his cat climbed up on the roof, fell off and was killed. His friend immediately wired him with the message: "Your cat died!"
In a few hours, Steve was back home, having cut his trip short in grief and in anger at his friend. He told his friend, "Why didn’t you break the news to me gradually? You know how close I was to my cat! You could have sent the message ’Your cat climbed up on the roof today,’ and the next day you could’ve written ’Your cat fell off the roof’ and let me down slowly that he died."
After a quick memorial service, the bachelor left again to continue his trip. A few days into his trip, he returns to his hotel and there’s a message waiting for him from his friend.

The message read, "Your mother climbed up on the roof today."

+++++++++

The friend approached the grieving widow at the funeral.

"Tell me my dear, what were his final words?"
She sniffled and feebly replied.
"You don't scare me with that gun Martha, you couldn't hit the broad side of a barn!"

============

The grief-stricken man threw himself across the grave and began bitterly, "How terrible life is for me because you are gone. If only you hadn't died, if only fate had not been so cruel as to take you from this world, how different everything would have been."
A clergyman happened by and to soothe the man he offered a prayer. Afterward he said, "I assume the person lying beneath this mound of earth was someone of great importance to you."
"Importance? Indeed he was," moaned the man. "It's my wife's first husband!"
And finally, some Canadian humor
Conjoined twins walk into a bar in Canada and park themselves on a couple of bar stools. 
One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us; we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson beers, draft please." 

The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. "Been on vacation yet, fellas?" 
"Off to England next month," says John. "We go to England every year, rent a car, and drive for miles and miles, don't we, Jim?"       ...   Jim nods. 
"Ah, England!" says the bartender. "Wonderful country...the history, the culture, and especially the beer."
"Nah, we don't like that British crap," says John. "Hamburgers and Molson's beer, that's for us, eh Jim?  And we can't stand the English people, they're so stuffy, arrogant and rude." 
"So why keep going to England?" asks the bartender. 
John says: "Gives Jim a chance to drive.”