Blowing hard JOW #1097

 Hurricane rolled right over my daughter’s house this week.  She evacuated and is fine; however I thought hurricanes would make a good topic for this week’s jokes.  Maybe I should wait to make hurricane jokes until everything has blown over. I am afraid my inbox could be flooded.  Here are my offerings along with some long story short jokes at the end.

I haven’t done any ‘knock knock’ jokes for a while.  Here are a few.

Knock Knock… Who’s there?

June… June who?

June know how to tell a good hurricane knock-knock joke

 

Knock, knock?

Who is there?

August…

August Who?

A gust of wind over 74 MPH could be the start of a hurricane

 

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Hurricane

Hurricane who?

Hurry! Cane you run away from the storm? 

~~~~~

What happens to sailboats in a hurricane?  Mast destruction.

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I heard Ida blew the roof off a cheese factory.  There’s brie everywhere.

++++++

I went into the kitchen and saw a hurricane making a pot of tea I thought hmmm, there’s a storm brewing.

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What do a hurricane, a tornado and a red neck divorce all have in common?

Somebody’s gonna lose a trailer.

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I always get a little sad during hurricane season in the Caribbean....you could say I have tropical depression.

^^^^

A hurricane tore off a quarter of a roof.

oof.

A hurricane tore off half a roof.

Ro

>>>> 

A reporter is interviewing a victim of Hurricane Ida.

In the background, a scene of complete devastation; the roof is gone, half of the walls are down, personal possessions scattered around. The person looks shell-shocked, with an unfocused gaze. The hair is wild, clothes disheveled, dirt smudges on the face and arms.
"So what are you going to do now?" asks the reporter. "Are you going to rebuild?"
"No," replies the victim. "I'm gonna move to Arkansas."
"Why Arkansas?"
"That's where the rest of my stuff is."

<<<<<< 

In light of Hurricane Ida, remember to always look out for yourself. As they say: There's no 'I' in Team...

But there is an Eye in Hurricane.

“””””

Hurricane Ida was coming, and the matriarch was thirsty.  She always drinks a glass of port wine with every dinner, and insists that any guests over 21 do the same. A handful of her friends came over to wait out the storm with her.  While at the grocery store stocking up on food, the old lady insisted on getting more port wine for her guests. However, the grocery store was out of her favorite brand.

“It’s okay.” She said. “Any Port in a storm.”

****

A Caribbean hurricane blew across the Caribbean. It didn't take long for the expensive yacht to be swamped by high waves, sinking without a trace. There were only two survivors: the boat's owner, Dr. Smythe and the steward, Marcus who managed to swim to the closest island. After reaching the deserted strip of land, the steward was crying and very upset that they would never be found. Dr. Smythe on the other hand was quite calm, relaxing against a tree. "Dr. Smythe, Dr. Smythe, how can you be so calm?" cried Marcus. "We're going to die on this lonely island. We'll never be discovered here."

"Sit down and listen to what I have to say, Marcus." began the confident Dr. Smythe.  “I am a generous donor to a number of charities.”

"So what?" shouted Marcus.

"Well, it's time for their annual fundraising drives, and I know they're going to find me!" smiled Dr. Smythe.

 

Finally, I have some ‘long story short’ jokes

Why do they call it the novel Coronavirus?

It's a long story...

 

A man walked into a copy shop, and requested that they print a book for him with pages 30 feet long and a foot wide.

Printer: "Why do you need pages that long?"
Man: "Well, it's a long story."

 

I reported to the police that some thieves had stolen my suitcase. The matter got taken to court. Long story short...I lost the case.

 

To cut a long story short.

I became a film editor.

 

I was reading a book when my five year old cousin asked "why is that book so thick?"

Then I told him "It’s a long story".

 

I came home one day to my wife ripping pages out of "Moby Dick" in the living room. "Why are you doing that?" I asked.

She replied, "Well, to make a long story short."

 

My dad has the heart of a lion.  Long story short - he is no longer allowed in a zoo

 

I just developed an app that lets me condense really long paragraphs into a couple of lines.  I've always struggled with being able to express myself in fewer words and hence had to find something that would help me.  So I got to coding until I finally did it! I successfully created an app that reads through all my typed and creates the most optimal sentence to summarize everything I've typed.

Long story short...I don’t think it works.

And finally

A man walked into his psychiatrist’s office.  He said, “Doc I had a dream. It went like this:
“I was walking on a road, and suddenly, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep..."
After ten seconds, the psychiatrist asked the man nicely to stop beeping. The man, however, went on for half an hour, before the man finally said,"...beep beep beep beep. And then a bomb blew up and I woke up."
The psychiatrist, glad that the man stopped beeping, said," So to summarize, it was a beeping long story."