Star Nerds JOW #1109

 

It is the start of the Holiday Season beginning with Thanksgiving.  I am thankful for a lot of things.  Things like science fiction and the Star Trek and Star Wars franchises.   Star Wars is a lot of fun, but if I had been a Jedi knight there is a 100% chance I would use the force inappropriately.  I have some themed jokes on the subject, then a few nerdy jokes and eventually I devolve into more or less random jokes.  I hope you enjoy them and are thankful for our many blessing.

Trying to come up with jokes about Star Wars is difficult.  Most of them seem a bit too forced. 

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Remember when Harrison Ford broke his ankle during filming?
It resulted in a whole new "Star Wars" cast.

 

Why did the Star Wars movies come out as 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3?
In charge of scheduling, Yoda was.

 

Han solo: "Yoda, are we going the right direction?"
Yoda: "Off course we are."

 

Why didn’t any of Luke Skywalker’s marriages last?
He always followed Obi-Wan’s advice: “Use divorce, Luke.”

 

Where did Luke get his cybernetic hand?
The second hand store.

 

What did the dentist say to Luke Skywalker?
May the floss be with you.

 

How does Darth Vader like his toast?
On the dark side.

 

Stormtroopers in quarantine are like, “I miss people.”
I’m not too sympathetic. They always miss people.

 

How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for Christmas?
He felt his presents!

 

Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?
He played the force.

 

What is R2D2 short for?
Because he has little legs.

 

What do you call an invisible droid?
C-through-PO.

 

Did you know R2D2 had the foulest dialog in movie history?
They have to bleep out all his words.

 

Does R2D2 have any brothers?
Nope, only transistors.

 

What do you need to reroute droids?
R2-Detour.

 

What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?
R2 Detour.

 

They are going to make a Star Wars pirate story starring Arrrr2 D2.

 

Of all the many creatures created for Star Wars, Ewoks are the strangest.  They look like homeless care bears that sold their magic powers for drugs.

 

Did you know Fozzie Bear was in Star Wars?
He was a Ewokka-wokka!

 

A newbie once accidentally attended a Star Trek convention dressed as Chewbacca from Star Wars. That’s a Wookie mistake!

 

Then there is Star Trek.  I always liked the Next Generation best.  Here are a few things you would never hear the main characters say

Picard: Good work, Counselor. If you hadn't told us those aliens had hostile intent, we would have been completely fooled by their plan"

Crusher: Jean-Luc, since the ship is in no danger at all, and we're not about to die, there's something I want to tell you...

Geordi: The... doohicky... has gone all... funny, making that gizmo light up...the one that means the warp engines are... ya know... all messed up.

Worf: Ouch! I got a paper cut!

Picard: Captain's Log, Stardate... damn. What's the date? Number One, what's today? No, I know it's Tuesday, what's the date? The STARdate!!

A Starfleet Admiral: Don't worry about it, Picard, there are plenty of other ships in your quadrant.

Troi (to someone she is counseling): You've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn! Now get out!

 

Approximately how many ears does Mr. Spock have? There are three. The left ear, the right ear, and finally the final front ear.

 

If Spock has pointy ears what did Scotty have? Engineers!

 

What was the working title for Star Trek III: The Search for Spock?

Finding Nimoy

 

A starship captain bought a sub-light speed propulsion system that he didn't need?

It was an impulse purchase.

Some other-nerdly jokes

A group of protesters in front of a physics lab:

“What do we want?”

“Time travel”

“When do we want it?”

“Irrelevant.”

 

The Romans never found Algebra difficult.  Their X was always a 10.

 

Protons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.

 

Have faith in the Pfizer vaccine.  Don’t forget they make Viagra.  If they can raise the dead they can save the living.

 

Everybody remembers Karl Marx, the inventor of communism but nobody remembers his sister Onya, the inventor of the starting pistol.

 

A Freudian slip...is when you say one thing but really mean your mother.

Schrodinger gets pulled over by a police officer. The cop is very serious, and starts to search the trunk for anything suspicious.

Police man: “Do you know there’s a dead cat in here?”

Schrodinger: “Well, I do now!”

 

What Do You Get When You Cross a Cow With an Octopus?

A meeting with the ethics committee and the swift removal of your research funding.

 

What Do You Get When You Put Root Beer In A Square Glass?

Beer.

 

And finally one from out of nowhere

A man went into a seafood restaurant and asked for a lobster tail. The waitress smiled sweetly and said, “Once upon a time there was this handsome lobster…”