I get ideas for jokes in
all sorts of places, even while on the freeway.
Interstate electronic bulletin boards sometimes put up Silver Alerts for
missing elderly people. Usually it is
something sort of sad and pathetic like:
1998 Brown Toyota: license plate: FYI 01D
This means some old geezer
has slipped away from the nursing home and has found to keys to his old car
I want to see a Silver
Alert that says
2021 Red Ferrari: license plate: 170 MPH
Go gramps, go!
That got me thinking about
cars so here are a few automotive-related jokes. Enjoy.
````````
My boss arrived at work in
a brand-new Lamborghini.
I said, "Wow, that's
an amazing car!"
He replied, "If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for
excellence, I'll get another one next year".
>>>>>
A cop stops a miner for
speeding on the highway and asks the driver three questions.
COP: Whose car is this?
Where are you headed? What do you do?
Miner: mine
<<<<<
"When one door
closes, another opens", he said.
"That's all well and
good", the buyer replied, "but until you fix it I'm not buying the
car."
^^^^^
What kind of car does
Jesus drive? A Christler. Oh no. Wait...He drove a Honda sedan.
But he didn't like talking about it. As
it says in John 12:49: For I did not speak of my own Accord.
^^^^^^^^^
A young boy is listening
to the radio in the car with his father. “Dad, what music did you like growing
up?”
“I was a huge fan of Led
Zeppelin”, the father replies.
“Who?” the son asks.
“Yeah”, the dad responds, “I liked them too.”
=======
What do you call a man
with a car on his head? Jack.
+++++
New Teslas don't come with the usual new car smell; it’s more of an Elon Musk.
------
Me: My name is Matt, and
I'm an alcoholic.
AAA: This is AAA, not AA.
Me: Yeah, I was just explaining how my car got in the lake.
This one is for Mike
While driving to work,
robbers jumped into my car and stole everything.
They were pirates of the
car I be in.
~~~~~~~
A cop is out on patrol
late one evening, and sees a car parked in the local lover's lane, with the
windows all steamed up.
He knocks on the driver’s
window, and the guy inside rolls it down. The cop sees that there is a guy
sitting in the front seat, fully clothed, and a girl in the back seat, also
fully clothed.
"What are you up to here, son?"
"Well, officer, I'm reading a magazine, as you can see."
"And what's she doing back there?"
"I think she's playing a game on her phone."
"Have you been drinking tonight?"
"No, sir. I'm only twenty."
"And how old is she?"
The guy looks at his watch and says, "Sir, in eleven minutes she'll be
eighteen."
A husband sends a text to
his wife.
Honey, I got hit by a car
outside of the office. Tina brought me to the hospital. They have been taking
tests and doing x-rays. I have 3 broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture
on my left leg and they may have to amputate the right foot.
Wife's Response:
Who is Tina?
As I was paying $500 for a
17 year old escort I thought...
...I'm getting a really
good deal on this car.
I've already got a car,
but I want to have a classic Doc Brown DeLorean as well.
I would drive my first car
every day, but only drive the DeLorean from time to time.
One day a guy was driving
with his young daughter in the van and honked his car horn by mistake.
She immediately turned and
looked at him with an expectant look on her face.
Seeing her look at him he
said, "I did that by accident."
She replied, "Oh,
yes, I guessed that, daddy."
He replied, "How did
you know?"
The girl said,
"Because you didn't say 'ASSHOLE!' afterwards!"
You see, you never really
learn to swear until you learn to drive in traffic.
A truck with two truckers
was had just passed through small town and was driving on the back roads on the
way to a slightly bigger town when they came to an overpass with a sign that
read CLEARANCE 11'2".
So, they got out and
measured their rig. It was 12'3".
"What do you
think?" the passenger trucker asked the driver.
The driver looked around
carefully, got in the truck and thin shifted into first as he said, "Well,
there's not a cop in sight. Let's take a chance!”
>>>>
One day a guy was looking
for a Christmas gift for his daughter. He walked into a toy store and asked for .A
Barbie Doll for my daughter.’
The shop assistant looks
at him in a slightly condescending manner and asks, "All right Sir, which
Barbie would that be?"
“What kinds do you have?”
"We have Barbie Goes
to the Ball at $19.99, Barbie goes Shopping at $19.99, Barbie goes Clubbing at
$19.99, Barbie Goes To The Gym at $19.99, Cyber Barbie at $19.99 and Divorced
Barbie at $49.99."
The man can't help himself
and asks, "Why is Divorced Barbie $49.99 when all those other Barbies are
selling for $19.99?"
"Well Sir, that's
quite obvious!" says the assistant, "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's
house, Ken's furniture, and Ken's car.”
And finally
Once upon a time there
were too neighbors, one rich, one poor.
One day the poor man found a magic lamp with a resident genie that would
serve the poor man every morning. Soon
the rich man heard about this and invited himself over to the poor man’s house
to see if this was true.
Sure enough, the poor man
rubbed the lamp, and the genie appeared.
“What do you desire this morning?”
“Tea for me and coffee for my visitor,” said the poor man.
“As you wish,” and ‘poof’
there were two cups of the ordered beverages.
The rich neighbor, envious of the magic lamp, said to the poor man, “I will
give you a million dollars for that lamp.”
The poor accepted the
deal.
The next morning rich man rubbed the lamp and a genie came smoking out of the
lamp and said: “What do you desire this morning."
The rich man asked for two
million dollars.
The genie replied, “Sorry
sir, I only serve coffee or tea.”
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