More old quotes JOW #1181

I find humor in lots of things as I age, including the art of aging itself.  This week I have collected a bunch of quotes (mostly) about getting older.  I hope you enjoy them.

 

To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde 

 

"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers 

 

“Men fight for liberty and win it with hard knocks.  Their children, brought up easy, let it slip away again, poor fools.  And their grandchildren are once again slaves.” – D.H. Lawrence

 

"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir 

 

"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane 

 

"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain 

 

"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson 

 

"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller 

 

"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner 

 

"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller 

 

"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns 

 

"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner 

 

"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg 

 

“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins 

 

“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben 

 

"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." – Unknown 

 

"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns 

 

“I never go to the swimming pool if there are any kids around.” – Marco Polo

 

“I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." – Unknown 

 

"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton 

 

"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot 

 

"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell 

 

"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60 we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers 

 

"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns 

 

"I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past." - Robert Brault 

 

"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." – Unknown 

 

"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom 

 

“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney  

 

“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon 

 

“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino 

 

"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza 

 

"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin 

 

"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope 

 

"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer 

 

"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker 

 

"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." – Anonymous

 

“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns 

 

“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier 

 

"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien

 

"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein 

 

"We must recognize that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary." - C.S. Lewis 

 

"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci

 

"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie 

 

"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner 

 

"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain 

 

"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett 

 

“It’s not your legs that are the first to go, it’s your sense of pride.” – Tom Pinney

And finally an off-topic joke

A man, a woman, and a dog were in a car which began to skid over the edge of a steep canyon.

The man and woman start arguing about the cause of the wreck.  The dog barks hysterically.  As the car sails over the cliff the man screams, "I was right, you know; bitches can't drive."
When first responders get to the scene and the car is eventually hauled back up, no one really knows what to make of the couple's dog seat-belted into the driver's seat.