Government Approved JOW #1184

 There has been a lot of chatter about censorship lately. I acknowledge that there probably needs to be censorship at some level, mostly having to do with protecting children; but censorship of humor is usually toxic – especially censorship by governments.  Totalitarian governments are especially prone to this.  Recently a comedian had a little podcast showing his dogs unsuccessfully chasing a squirrel.  The comedian said in Mandarin – ‘Fine style of work, capable of winning battles.’  That is a catch phrase for the People’s Liberation Army.  It would by a little like a guy in the US showing a dog licking its privates and quipping, ‘Be All You Can Be.’  Pretty mild stuff.  But the CCP goons paid the comedian a visit.  The comedian was last seen recording a cringing apology and has dropped out of sight.  It is not just Chinese citizens who are being silenced for telling a bad joke.  Jamie Dimon, CEO of JPMorgan Chase, said that “the Communist Party is celebrating its 100th year — so is JPMorgan. I'd make a bet that we last longer." The executive also said he would be unable to make such a joke if he were in China.  It didn’t matter.  By Wednesday, Dimon was rapidly walking back the joke.  "I truly regret my recent comment because it's never right to joke about or denigrate any group of people, whether it's a country, its leadership, or any part of a society and culture," he said in a statement that was shared with CSB MoneyWatch. "Speaking in that way can take away from constructive and thoughtful dialogue in society, which is needed now more than ever."

 

In a daring move, I am going to make a few mild jokes about the CCP.  I will also throw in some about the Nazis, another group who famously had no sense of humor.

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Winning the hearts and minds of the people:

An old CCP euphemism for organ harvesting.

 

WHO investigators wanted to talk to the Wuhan scientists.

When they arrived to Wuhan Institute of Virology CCP officials informed them that unfortunately all the scientists have died after eating poison mushrooms.
WHO investigators were suspicious so they demanded that they exhume the bodies of dead scientists and check if they really died from eating poison mushrooms.
CCP officials grudgingly agree.
After they exhumed the first scientist the results of tests came back and indeed scientist did die from mushrooms.
CCP officials were happy, but WHO investigators decided to exhume another scientist.
Results were again the same. CCP officials were even happier.
Same thing happened for the third and fourth exhuming.
When they exhumed the firth scientists WHO investigators noticed dead scientist had a bullet hole in his forehead.
"How do you explain that?" they asked.
CCP official responded: "Ah, that guy did not want to eat mushrooms".

 

Sister Ya lived in communist China.

Although the church was allowed there, it lived under the rule of the CCP. The more the good sister saw, the less she could ignore. It started small, ministering people with verses dedicated to freedom and truth. But the oppression became more than she could bear. She started hiding pro-democracy pamphlets in her bible. She gave people instructions for bypassing the great firewall. She even started to reproduce banned materials at her home to sell them for a small profit.
All of this was forbidden and the local authorities took notice. One day there was a knock at her door. "Open up" they said as they broke down the door, "You are accused of undermining the harmony of Chinese society!"

I wish this story had a happy ending, I really do, but it was Nun Ya's business.

 

Here are some once dangerous jokes about the Nazis.

"Hitler and Goring are standing atop the Berlin radio tower. Hitler says he wants to do something to put a smile on Berliners' faces. So Goring says: 'Why don't you jump?'"

Don't laugh too hard though - a German factory worker was reportedly executed for telling this one.

 

Hitler visits the front and talks to a soldier. Hitler asks: "Friend, when you are in the front line under artillery fire, what do you wish for?"

The soldier replies: "That you, my Fuhrer, stand next to me!"

 

A high ranking Nazi official visiting Switzerland asks what a certain building is for. “That’s our Navy Ministry,” his Swiss host explains.

The Nazi laughs and says: “Why does Switzerland of a Ministry of the Navy? You only have 2 or 3 ships.”

The Swiss answers, “Why not? Germany has a ministry of justice.”

 

Hitler, Goering, Bormann and Goebbels are on a boat out at sea.
Huge storm blows in. The boat sinks.
Who is saved?

Germany.

 

A German man walked into the records office and asked to change his name.

The clerk asks the man's name and the man replies "My name is Adolf Stinkfoot."

The clerk is sympathetic and decides to allow the man to change his unfortunate name. "What do you want to change it to?" asks the clerk.

The man replies "Maurice Stinkfoot."

 

Shifting gears slightly.

The United Nations conducted a worldwide survey with one single question:
Would you please give your opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure:
* In Latin America, they didn't know what please meant ...
* In China, they didn't know what opinion meant ...
* In the Middle East, they didn't know what solution meant ...
* In Europe, they didn't know what shortage meant ...
* In Africa, they didn't know what food meant ...
* In the United States, they didn't know what the rest of the world meant.

 

And finally

Egyptian mummies were buried with their arms crossed in front of them apparently because they believed there would be countless water slides in the hereafter.