Titan submersible collapsed at great depth last week killing all five passengers instantly. In every tragedy eventually someone will make jokes about it. In this case the jokes and memes began almost instantly. I think the reason people are having a hard time finding sympathy for the submarine passengers is because this is not something that could happen to just anyone. They knowingly took an extreme risk at great personal expenditure. They just wanted to visit the Titanic, not take up permanent residence. If only they had gone into space like normal billionaires. All these jokes about the submersible are not going down well; just like the Titan. I start this week with somewhat macabre humor before shifting topics.
Titanic – Killing rich people for 110 years.
For $250k, you should at least get a round trip.
One advantage of not being super rich: you don’t have to worry
about dying on the ocean bed.
Touring the wreck of the Titanic - $250k. Joining the wreck of the Titanic – priceless.
5500 PSI will crush you instantly.
On the up side, no matter how rich you are, you should rendered small
enough be able to fit through the eye of a needle.
The ‘eat the rich’ crowd felt that since wealth inequality is a
tremendous problem this was a step in the right direction. To them, modern problems require modern
solutions: like deep submersibles.
People are always asking me 'how deep can a submarine dive'...
And I always answer 'all the way to the ocean floor'.
The trick really is coming back up again.
And speaking of the Titanic…
The Titanic was a ship of dreams.
Unfortunately it dreamed of being a submarine.
Did you know that even after all these years, the swimming pool on Titanic is
still filled with water?
My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink
No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until
they got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theatre.
To think the unthinkable
The thtory of the Thitanic.
Why should one not talk about Titanic with a stranger?
Because it can't break the ice
What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with The Titanic?
About half way.
The titanic was built to last......let that sink in.
Why are there are no subtitles for the last 15 minutes of
"Titanic"?
A good caption always goes down with the ship.
Surfacing from these soggy jokes
A little known fact” In WWII a Japanese ship the Shi Maru attacked
a shore base in the Seychelles Island.
That’s right – Shi shelled Seychelles down by the seashore
Those who pass prematurely are at least spared the indignities of
aging. Some mornings I get up and look
in the mirror and say ‘that can’t be accurate’.
I am not exactly aging like a fine wine. More like a fine banana. Or maybe milk – getting sour and chunky.
Aging is like owning a classic car. In order to keep looking
beautiful, you'll need more than a few tune-ups and a fresh coat of paint.
My wife told me I have ‘grown as a person’. Well, actually she said ‘you’re getting fat’,
but I know what she really meant.
I am at the point where I need a nap to continue to do barely
anything.
As you get older you can be sure your secrets are safe with your
old friends – they can’t remember them.
With age comes wisdom … and hair in really weird places.
You know you are old when you’re told to slow down by your doctor
and not the police.
I used to know a couple who grew fruit trees together. They
lived to a ripe old age.
Old age makes us great multitaskers. Why, I can sneeze and pee at
the same time!
How many old men does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one. But it takes all
day.
I called the incontinence hotline recently. They asked if I could
hold.
Be kind to your kids. They choose your nursing home.
Doctor – “We’re just waiting for your X-ray
Blonde – “But I never dated anyone named Ray.
Doctor – And…. Maybe be better do a brain scan
Did you hear that joke about paper? Never mind, it’s tearible.
Trees actually poop. That is how we get #2 pencils.
Why is justice served cold?
Because if it was served warm it would be justwater.
Homer Simpson –“If you don’t behave I’m gonna put you in a nursing
home.”
Grandpa Simpson – “You already put me in a nursing home!”
Homer – “I’ll put you in that nursing home we saw on 60 Minutes.”
Grandpa, very contrite – “I’ll be good.”
What do you call someone who enjoys Mondays?
Retired.
What’s the key to a structured retirement?
A rigid nap schedule.
Retirement is what happens between doctors’ appointments.
A Millennial asked me a question about my long life.
"What was the biggest historical event that happened during
your college days?"
"I'd have to say the moonwalk," I replied.
She looked disappointed. "That dance was so important to you?
Visiting
Annapolis, I noticed several plebes on their hands and knees holding pencils
and clipboards. “What are they doing?”
I
asked our tour guide. “Each year, the upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many
bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard,” he said.
“So
what’s the answer?” my friend asked.
The
guide replied, “One.”
Fred found himself in a long line at the driver's license bureau
and moved to stand in the shorter line.
He turned around to see an elderly woman just standing in between
the two lines and not moving to get in either one. He watched as she pulled out
her cellphone and began reading the news.
He was confused why she was just standing there reading between
the lines.
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