Gendered JOW #1201

 There was no joke of the week last week.  I was cruising on the Danube and did not care to write one.  But I am back to the grindstone this week.  I have noticed that there has been a lot of noise about pronouns lately.  You may be aware that I love grammar and word play in general.  Although I'm still learning all about pronouns.  But that is neither here nor there. 

All this neopronouns stuff is cool and all...I just can’t find a guide on how to pronouns them.

As far as I can tell, a pronoun is just a noun that gets paid for what an amateur noun would do for free.  I offer you some jokes this week based on the loaded subject of pronouns.

 

Wife, to the therapist: “He always misunderstands simple questions, taking them literally.”
Therapist, to husband: “What does she mean?”
Husband: “It’s a feminine pronoun.”

 

Teacher: Today you’ll give an example of a pronoun each and you form a sentence with it.
John: Her.
Teacher: Ok, your sentence?
Dave: Give her her book. It’s hers.
Teacher: That’s good.  Dave, you’re next.
Dave: Him.
Teacher: Your Sentence?
Dave: Give him him book. It’s hims.

 

When Little Johnny was a kid his English teacher looked his way and said, “Name two pronouns.”
He said, “Who, me?”

 

What is a pronoun?

Yes. It can also be an adverb.

 

Is there more than one singular first-person objective pronoun?
Or is it just me?

 

My wife and I was arguing about which personal pronoun was the best.

I won.

 

How is a girlfriend like a pronoun?

Your's is possessive

 

I do not always use pronouns, but when I do, it’s because I do not know that person's name.

 

If I had a dollar for each one of all these genders I’d have two dollars and a bunch of counterfeits.

 

What pronouns does a giant prefer?
Fee, fo, fi, and fum.

 

What are the pronouns of someone who identity thief?
The pronouns are you/yours.

 

How is a girlfriend like a pronoun?
Your’s is possessive.

 

What are a donkey's pronouns? He/haw

 

I identify as boring; my preferred pronouns are ho/hum

 

My preferred pronoun is letter. I was born female, but I identify as mail.

 

My mailman got gender reassignment surgery.  Now he’s a postman.

 

What were Michael Jackson’s pronouns?
He / Hee.

 

What pronouns does a Chicagoan use to identify as non binary?
Dey or dem.

 

What are the preferred pronouns in Alabama?
He/Haw.

 

What do you call a non binary fascist?
A Not-she.

 

What do you call it when a non binary guitar renter gets into a car crash?
A gender bender fender lender fender bender.

 

What did the non binary prospector say before heading into the mountains?
There’s gold in them/their hills.

 

What do you say to comfort your sad non binary friend?
Their/their

 

I identify as a chocolate bar; my pronouns are her/she

 

What does a non binary person do on the toilet?
They/She/It.

 

I identify as a chocolate bar; my pronouns are her/she

 

I am coming out as binary; my pronouns are 00110101 and 10100110

 

What are Schrodinger’s cat’s pronouns?
Is/isn’t.

 

“Dude!”

“Hey, I am not your dude; I want to go by bro!”

“Wow! You have preferred bronouns?”

 

Enough pronoun stuff, here are some related gender jokes

 

You can tell the gender of an ant by dropping in the water.  If it sinks: girl ant.  If it floats, it’s buoyant.

 

Why are gender equality officers usually women?  Because it’s cheaper.

 

I like my women like I like my coffee.  I have a deep respect for coffee and would never discriminate against coffee based on its gender.

 

Some inanimate things have a gender.

·         Ziploc bags are male because they hold everything in and you can see right through them

·         Copiers are female because if they are turned off it takes a while to warm them up again.  While an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed.

·         Tires are male because they go bald and are often over-inflated.

·         A hot air balloon is male because to get anywhere you have to light a fire under it and, of course, there is the hot air part.

·         Sponges are female because they are soft, squeezable, and they retain water

·         Subways are male because they use the same old lines to pick people up.

·         Web pages are female because they are always getting hit on.

·         A hammer is male because it hasn’t changed much in over the years but they are sometimes handy to have around.

·         A remote control is female, not a male.  Consider: it give man pleasure, he’d be lost without I, and even though he doesn’t know which button to push he keeps on trying.

 

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To impress his date, Randy, a young man, took her to a very posh Italian restaurant in Greenwich Village.

After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and ordered. 'We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci,' he said.

'Sorry, sir,' said the waiter. 'That's the owner.'

 

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports because they've already forgotten what happened.

I married my wife for her looks.  Just not the ones I’ve been getting lately.

 

My wife suggested that a good book for me to read to enhance our relationship. The title is, "Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong."

 

A Husband and Wife at Custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex wife.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?"
Ex wife: "I brought him into this world so I should have custody of him."
Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."
Then the judge looks towards the Ex husband.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?"
The ex husband thought long and hard about his response, after a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out. Is it mine or the machines?"