Leaping JOW #1221

 This is a Leap Year February.  Our system of measuring time is clunky and unusual.  For example, why are there 24 hours in a day?  I think it all goes back to the Babylonians and Egyptians who once used base 12.  And now we are permanently stuck with our current cumbersome system of seconds, minutes, hours and days; well at least until we leave this planet and start using ‘Star Dates’.  But this planet, Earth, takes 365.242190 days to orbit the sun, so our year is not especially accurate.  Julius Cesar established the first leap day, way back in 45 BCE, adding an extra day every fourth year.   I am sure you all remember our last leap year, 2020; like we needed that awful year to be any longer than it was.  Enough about why we have an extra day this week.  I am sure you will use the time to straighten out all your ‘stuff’.  So here are a few jokes in recognition of our extra day this month.

 

I can’t believe it’s been only four years since I got to tell you the same old Leap Year jokes.

 

Monday - Greg, Tuesday - Ian, Wednesday - Greg, Thursday - Ian, Friday - Greg, Saturday - Ian, Sunday – Greg:

The Gregorian calendar.

 

My calendar only has dates like the 1st, 3rd, 5th and 7th. It’s very odd.

 

Did you know that Chuck Norris`s calendar doesn’t need a leap year?
It is more accurate than ours.

 

If a leap year has 366 days, what do you call a year with 365 days?
A light year.

 

Instead of a calendar, I downloaded a colander app, and now my battery keeps running out.

 

Why are calendar puns so bad?

Because they are always so week and dated

 

Invisible calendars.... That’s something you don't see every day.

 

Some terrible Dad Jokes:

What kind of music do you listen to on Leap Day? Hip Hop.

 

What do kids play on Leap Day? Hop-scotch.

 

Where do most people eat out on leap day?  IHOP.

 

What do you call a frog born on February 29?  Leap frog.

 

A man was imprisoned in a room that contained only a bed and a calendar. How is he able to live? He consumes dates from the calendar and sips water from the bed’s springs.

 

If someone removes the fifth month from all your calendars, would you be dismayed?

 

I like to mark my calendar with bright neon colors. It’s the highlight of my day.

 

On the 13th day of the 13th month, I realized I shouldn’t have bought a cheap calendar.

 

My calendar won’t last long. Its days are numbered.

 

 If a dog is born on Leap Day does, does he only have a birthday every 28 years?

 

Did you know that February 29 is both Leap Day and Bachelor’s Day?
Great, now we have an extra day to not make decisions.

 

A social media researcher walks into a bar and orders a beer.
“Have you ever noticed that women complain less in the month of February?” he asks the bartender.

“Really?” the bartender asks. “I hadn’t noticed. Is it because of Valentine’s Day?”
“No,” the researcher replies. “Near as we can tell we’ve determined it’s because February fewer days.”

 

I met a fortune teller, and she gave me a calendar as a little gift.

What a lovely thought, it's just a shame It doesn’t go past October…

 

American scientists made a clock that advances a second if someone nearby swears.
So for testing they put them in army barracks of sailors, soldiers, airmen and marines. After a while went in and checked on clocks.
In the Air Force barracks, the clock was two minutes fast.

In the Army barracks, the clock was seven minutes fast.

The Navy clock was half an hour fast.

They then visited the marine barracks and saw that the clock was missing.
They asked a nearby marine, "What happened to the clock?".
The marine replied: "We didn't need that fan in here."

 

If you think 30 seconds isn't a significant period of time, try hesitating for 30 seconds when your wife asks you if she looks fat in that dress.

 

I saw a man on the street with a sign saying he was hungry.  I told him I had an extra sandwich, and he could pick which one he wanted, either turkey or roast beef. He looked at both sandwiches for about 30 seconds, then shouted, ‘It’s too hard!” and ran off.
I wondered for a second, then I remembered,
"Beggars can't be choosers."

 

And finally

A beautiful woman in a sports car was driving on a mountain road one rainy night when she saw a man in biker gear staggering up over the edge, battered and bleeding.

She pulled over to help and quickly ascertained that he was not badly hurt, but that his Harley was down in a ditch and would need a tow truck.

Secretly turned on by the rough biker she offered to take him into town in her car.

“I don’t think my wife would like that,” he said with a smile.

But she was persuasive, and he got in.   

“Why don’t we stop at my house?  It’s on the way and we can get you cleaned up,” she offered with a smile.

“Thank you, but my I don’t think my wife would like that.”

Nothing daunted she took the biker home to her secluded home and helped him inside.

“Why don’t you take off those wet clothes and join me in the shower?” she asked him seductively.

“I really don’t think my wife would like that.”

“Well,” she said putting a hand on his arm, “Where is your wife?”

“I guess she’s still in the ditch with the Harley.”