Oral JOW #1218

I had some oral surgery on Monday and that kinda put me off schedule which is why my JOW is later than usual.  Which reminds me – If you stop getting the JOW, please send me an email.  People drop off the list for no apparent reason.  Also, should you change your email address, if you let me know I will make the change so you can still get the jokes.  And I welcome new people reading my jokes.  Several people do forward my jokes, which is great.  If someone says they like my joke, let me know and I will add them to the list.

Because dental work was on my mind, I start this week with oral jokes.  Tooth oral.  Get your minds out of the gutter.

 

Q: What is a dentists’ favorite dinosaur?

A: Flossosaurus.

 

Q: What’s the dentist’s favorite idiom?

A: Put your money where your mouth is.

 

Q: What is the number one reason patients don’t show up for root canals?

A: They lose their nerve.

 

Q: What did the Dentist of the Year get?

A: A little plaque.

 

Q: What do you call a dentist that does not like tea?

A: Denis

 

 Q: We brush our teeth at night so that we can keep our teeth. Why do we brush our teeth in the morning?

A: We brush our teeth in the morning to keep our friends

 

Q: What has 26 teeth and 24 legs?

A: An Arkansas cheerleading squad.

 

I saw a woman in Walmart with March Madness teeth.  She was down to her final four.

 

They called him the king of the dentists because he specialized in crowns.

 

Ten years without brushing causes a horrible tooth decade.

 

A patient asks the dentist how long it’ll take for the tooth to be pulled out.

The dentist said it’ll just take a few minutes.

The patient asks why it’s $500 if it’s only a few minutes of work.

“If you want it to take longer, I can pull it out slowly.”

 

The dentist told his patient to open wider. “My goodness!” he said. “You’ve got the biggest cavity I’ve seen, the biggest cavity I’ve seen.”

“Ok,” said the patient, “but I’m scared enough. Do you need to repeat yourself?”

“I didn’t,” said the dentist. “That was the echo.”

 

A man went to the dentist, he put all caps on his teeth. Now he can’t stop shouting.

 

 A young boy once asked his father, “Should I be a heart surgeon or a dentist?”

The father responded, “You should be a dentist.”

“Why should I be a dentist, dad?”

“We have one heart and thirty-two teeth.”

 

A man goes to the dentist to ask how much it would be to pull a tooth.

“$100,” said the dentist.

“Oh, that’s expensive,” said the main. “Do you have anything cheaper?”

“That’s the normal price for an extraction,” said the dentist.

The man thinks about it, “what about if you don’t use the anesthetic?”

“Well, that would be unusual, but we could do that. It would be about $75.”

The man thinks some more. “What about if you used a trainee and no anesthetic?”

“Well,” said the dentist,” I think that could work, but it would be a lot more painful. I think that would be about $35.”

“Great,” said the man. “That’s perfect.  Book my wife for an appointment on Tuesday.

 

Let me shift from these dental jokes.

Humans can’t hear a dog whistle because dogs can’t whistle.

 

Cyclops: How do you spell Hawaii

Wife (biting her lip) With two I’s

Cyclops: My life is just a joke to you, isn’t it Linda.

 

Things change as you get older.  Now movies are like, ‘Debbie does Dialysis’.

 

 Charcuterie is French for “I’d like a sandwich, but I don’t have any bread.”

 

Penguins produce oil that helps insulate their bodies from the cold.  Or to put it another way, ‘The oily bird gets the warm.’ 

 

Have you heard the joke about yoga. Never mind, it’s a bit of a stretch.

 

Minnesota recently did a poll for best snowplow names.  Here are some of the winners. 

 

·         Taylor Drift

·         Clark W. Blizzwald

·         Dolly Plowton

·         Beyonsleigh

·         You’re Killin’ Me Squalls

·         Barbie’s Dream Plow

·         Just Scraping By

 

We will have the first female referee in the Super Bowl this year.  I’m sure she will do fine because women are very good at telling men what they did wrong.  Of course, she won’t tell them what they did wrong, but still….

 

One day Max went to see Carl. Carl had a big swollen nose.
“Whoa, what happened, Carl?”, Max asked.
“I sniffed a brose,” Carl replied.
“What?”, Max said. “There’s no ‘b’ in rose!”
Carl replied, “There was in this one!”

 

 A mosquito walked into a clinic. The doctor saw her and asked what the matter was. The mosquito said that it had a lot of problems. She was not happy with her life; was not happy with the job she was doing. She was depressed and had no motivation. The doctor listened to the problems and told the mosquito that it should visit a therapist instead of a doctor.

The mosquito replied, "Yeah, I know. I just came in because of the blood."

Finally, a grammar joke

My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole!!
Man, that sentence was way too long.